Living For Ourselves

By Wesley Knight,2014-09-27 04:25
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Living For Ourselves

    Living For Ourselves

    Most of us come to a point in our lives when we question why we are doing what we are doing, and many of us come to realize that

    we may be living our lives in an effort to make our parents happy.

    This realization can dawn when we are in our 20s, our 40s, or even

    later, depending upon how tight a hold our family of origin has on

    our psyche. We may feel shocked or depressed by this information,

    but we can trust that it is coming to us at this time because we are

    ready to find out what it would mean to live our lives for ourselves,

    following the call of our own soul, and refusing any longer to be

    beholden to someone else’s expectations.

    One of the most common reasons we are so tied into making

    our parents, or others, happy, is that we were not properly

    mirrored when we were children. We were not honored as individuals in our own right, with a will and purpose of our own, to

    be determined by our own unfolding. As a result, we learned to look

    outside of ourselves for approval, support, and direction rather

    than look within. The good news is that the part of us that was not

    adequately nurtured is still there, inside us, like a seed that has

    not yet received the sunlight and moisture it needs to open and to

allow its inner contents to unfurl. It is never too late to provide

    ourselves with what we need to awaken this inner being.

    There are many ways to create a safe container for ourselves

    so that we can turn within and shine the light of awareness there.

    We may join a support group, go to therapy, or start a practice of

    journaling every day for half an hour. This experience of becoming

    is well worth the difficult work that may be required of us to get

    there. In whatever process we choose, we may feel worse before

    we feel better, but we will ultimately find out how to live our lives

    for ourselves and how to make ourselves happy.

    Bringing Inspiration Into Form

    Every craftsperson has a toolbox full of tools and a number of

    techniques to help them bring inspiration into form. In the same

    way, throughout our lives, we have discovered our own life tools

    and techniquesthe ways and means that have helped us create

    our lives up to this point. Sometimes we forget about the tools and

    skills we’ve acquired, and we wonder why we aren’t moving forward.

    At times like these, it might just be a matter of remembering

what we already know, and rediscovering the tools we already have

    at our disposal.

    In the process of becoming who we are and creating our lives, we have all gone through the experience of being inspired to do

    something and then finding the tools we needed to do it. If we look

    back, we may be able to remember that we used, for example, the

    tool of writing every day in order to clarify our intentions. We may

    also have used the tools of ritual, meditation, or visualization to

    make something happen. In addition, we may have been fueled by a

    new idea about how the universe works, which is what gave us the

    inspiration to use these tools.

    In order for ideas to be powerful, they must be imbued with the energy of our engagement with them, and in order for tools to

    be effective they must be put to use. This sounds obvious, but often we fall into the habit of thinking we are engaging with ideas

    and using tools by virtue of the fact that we are reading about

    them, or listening to other people talk about them. In truth, using

    our tools is a very personal action, one we must take on behalf of

    ourselves. Like artists, we are each unique and no two of us will receive the same inspiration, nor will we bring it into form in the

same two ways. To discover the truth of our own vision, we must

take action by remembering our tools and putting them to use.

    A Full Embrace Excluding Nothing

    Finding Peace Within

    Most people agree that a more peaceful world would be an

    ideal situation for all living creatures. However, we often seem

    stumped as to how to bring this ideal situation into being. If we

    are to have true peace in this world, each one of us must find it in

    ourselves first. If we don’t like ourselves, for example, we

    probably won’t like those around us. If we are in a constant state

    of inner conflict, then we will probably manifest conflict in the

    world. If we have fighting within our families, there can be no

    peace in the world. We must shine the light of inquiry on our

    internal struggles, because this is the only place we can really

    create change.

    When we initiate the process of looking inside ourselves for

    the meaning of peace, we will begin to understand why it has

    always been so difficult to come by. This in itself will enable us to

    be compassionate toward the many people in the world who find

themselves caught up in conflicts both personal and universal. We

    may have an experience of peace that we can call up in ourselves to

    remind us of what we want to create, but if we are human we will

    also feel the pull in the opposite directionthe desire to defend

    ourselves, to keep what we feel belongs to us, to protect our loved

    ones and our cherished ideals, and the anger we feel when threatened. This awareness is important because we cannot truly

    know peace until we understand the many tendencies and passions

    that threaten our ability to find it. Peace necessarily includes, even as it transcends, all of our primal energy, much of which has

     been expressed in ways that contradict peace.

    Being at peace with ourselves is not about denying or rejecting any part of ourselves. On the contrary, in order to be at peace we

    must be willing and able to hold ourselves, in all our complexity, in a

    full embrace that excludes nothing. This is perhaps the most difficult part for many of us, because we want so much to disown

    the negative aspects of our humanity. Ironically, though, true

    peace begins with a willingness to take responsibility for our humanity so that we might ultimately transform it in the light of

    our love.

    Intuitive Guidance From Within

    Using Yourself As A Pendulum

    Learning to trust our intuition is something that can connect us with our higher selves. Sometimes it might not seem easy to do

    this. Our thoughts and minds often get in the way. But by

    accessing our innermost self, we will find that the information we

    receive is usually what we truly need at that moment. One of the

    techniques that allows us to really get in touch with our deepest

    font of wisdom is using our body as a pendulum. The simple act of

    letting our physical being lead us in a certain direction can offer us

    extremely deep insights and help us find the answers we seek.

    Many of us may have tried using a pendulum or crystal on a chain as a dousing tool to acquire the information we need to make

    decisions or even find lost objects. Using our bodies puts us much

    more closely in tune with our being. The process of using your body

    as a pendulum is to ask your higher self a question and wait for

    your body to respond in either a forward-tilting or backward-tilting motion. The first step is to really understand how

    our higher self communicates with us by centering our bodies,

    asking ourselves the directions for "yes" and "no," and noting

    which way our body moves. For a lot of people a forward motion is

"yes," and your body tilting backward is a "no" answer. It is easier

    to start with simple questions at first to understand how our

    higher self communicates with us. As we become more used to the

    messages we receive and how we process them, we can start asking

    for more specific things such as what dosage of herbs to take or

    which foods would best nour! ish our bodies. Using this technique

    in the grocery store or when shopping for vitamins and remedies

     can be extremely helpful.

    Since we are always present in our bodies, understanding how

    we can use our bodies as pendulums is a tool we can use at any given

    moment in our lives. Letting our bodies tell us what is happening

    inside of us will in turn help to guide us through not just daily but

    also major life decisions. The more we allow our bodies to open up

    and share with us the connection it has with our deeper self, the

    better able we will be to truly access the knowledge we hold so

    deeply within.

    A Life-Altering Decision

    Divorce With Grace

    Like the act of marriage that binds two people together,

    divorce is the result of a life-altering decision. It is the dissolving

    of a relationship that we believed would last our whole lives. We

    may not even be able to articulate how we got to this place, yet

    we may also feel we have no choice but to sever this tie. Whatever we feel, we need the support of the friends and family

    who will stand by us no matter what we decide. At some point,

    we may need to be challenged to look deeper inside ourselves as

     we make this very important decision, but what we need most of

    all is unconditional love and loyalty.

    Divorce is a process that, once in motion, becomes difficult

    to stop, and this can be painful if we find ourselves having second thoughts. We may feel that we should do more to save

    the marriage, or we may wonder if there is something about

    ourselves that we could fix or change instead of going through

    with this painful separation. On the other hand, we may be

    seeing in hindsight that our marriage was truly only meant to last

    for a short time so that we could learn something we needed to

    know. Whatever the case, we need friends who will allow us to

    linger in confusion when we don’t have the answers and who will

    support us whether we find ways to reconcile and stay married

    or whether we walk away.

    Of course, the most essential ally we have lives inside our hearts and speaks to us from within. We can trust this inner

    guide to help us choose people who will support us in kind and

    loving ways as we navigate the rough terrain of confusion and

    loss. Sometimes all we can do is look to the horizon, remembering that we will get through this time, and no matter

    what happens we will once again feel whole.

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