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0215 The One Where Rachel and Ross You Know

By Rhonda Webb,2014-11-08 20:07
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0215 The One Where Rachel and Ross You Know0215,The,One,and,Ross,You,Know,ROSS,you,the

     215 The One Where Rachel and Ross... You Know

    [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey and Chandler enter with Chandler covering his eyes and Joey leading him.]

JOEY: Alright, no peeking. No peeking, no peeking, no peeking.

    CHANDLER: Alright, alright, but you better be wearing clothes when I open my eyes.

    JOEY: Alright open your eyes. [opens his eyes to see two black leather recliners and a big screen TV]

CHANDLER: Sweet mother of all that is good and pure.

JOEY: Huh? Days of our Lives picked up my option.

CHANDLER: Congratulations!

JOEY: I know.

    CHANDLER: Now we can finally watch Green Acres the way it was meant to be seen.

JOEY: Uh-huh.

CHANDLER: So uh, which one is mine?

    JOEY: Whichever one you want, man. Whichever one you want. [Chandler starts to sit in one of the chairs] Not that one.

CHANDLER: [sits down] Ohh yes.

JOEY: [sits down] Ohh yeah, that's the stuff.

CHANDLER: [reaches for the footrest lever] Do we dare?

JOEY: We dare.

    BOTH: [both extend the footrests] Aaahhhh. [both recline their chairs] AAAAHHHHHH.

OPENING TITLES

    [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting in their recliners watching TV. Monica, Ross, and Phoebe are there.]

    PHOEBE: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.

    CHANDLER: Well they were chair-shaped cows. They never would have survived in the wild.

    ROSS: This screen is amazing, I mean Dick Van Dyke is practically life-size.

ALL: Woah!

    MONICA: Rose Marie really belongs on a smaller screen, doesn't she?

[Rachel enters]

RACHEL: Hi you guys.

ALL: Hey.

RACHEL: Hey you.

ROSS: Hey you. [they stand together in front of the TV.]

CHANDLER and JOEY: Woah, hey, yo. [Rachel and Ross move]

RACHEL: So, uh, how was your day?

    ROSS: Oh you know, pretty much the usual, uh, sun shining, birds chirping.

RACHEL: Really? Mine too.

PHOEBE: Hey cool, mine too.

    ROSS: [beeper goes off] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to get to the museum. So um, I'll see you tonight.

    RACHEL: OK. [they go to kiss but everyone's watching so Ross just kisses her on the top of her head and leaves]

ROSS: Bye guys.

ALL: Bye.

MONICA: [walks up to Rachel in front of the TV] Tonight?

    CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, yo. [they move from out of in front of the TV]

MONICA: What's tonight?

RACHEL: It is our first official date. Our first date.

MONICA: Uh, hello.

RACHEL: Hi.

    MONICA: Tonight you're supposed to waitress for me, my catering thing, any of those words trigger anything for you?

RACHEL: God, oh God Monica, I forgot. This is our first date.

MONICA: Yes but my mom got me this job.

PHOEBE: OK, I can be a waitress, I can be a waitress.

    RACHEL: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. See Phoebe, Phoebe.

    MONICA: Really Phoebs? Because, you know, you'd have to be an actual waitress. This can't be like your 'I can be a bear cub' thing.

PHOEBE: I ca

    [Scene: Dr. Burke's apartment. Dr. Burke answers the door for Phoebe and Monica.]

PHOEBE: It's James Bond.

MONICA: Sorry we're late.

    DR. BURKE: Ah, that's OK, come on in. Um, I'm sorry, is Monica Geller coming? I was told she was.

MONICA: Dr. Burke, it, it's me.

    DR. BURKE: Monica? My God you used to be so. . . I mean you, you, you, you must have lost like. . . You look great.

    MONICA: Thank you. This is my friend Phoebe. She's gonna be helping me tonight.

    DR. BURKE: Hi Phoebe, nice to meet you. [Phoebe just giggles when they shake] So, how ya been?

    MONICA: I've been great, just great. How have you been? [tilting her head]

    DR. BURKE: Oh, well obviously you know Barbara and I split up, otherwise you wouldn't have done the head tilt.

MONICA: The head tilt?

    DR. BURKE: Yeah, since the divorce, when anybody asks me how I am, it's always with a sympathetic head tilt. [demonstrating] 'How ya doin'? You OK?'

MONICA: I'm sorry.

    DR. BURKE: No no, it, it's fine, believe me. I do it too. I always answer with the 'I'm OK' head bob. [demonstrates] 'I'm OK.' [tilts head] 'You sure?' [bobs head] 'Yeah, I'm fine.' Hey listen, I've got to set up the music. I got a new CD changer, of course the divorce only left me with 4 CD's to change.

MONICA: [her and Phoebe tilt their heads] Oh, that's too bad.

DR. BURKE: [bobbing his head] I'll survive.

    [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still in their chairs watching TV. Chandler is ordering a pizza.]

    CHANDLER: Uh, two larges, extra cheese on both. But listen, don't ring the buzzer for 19, ring 20, Geller-Green, they'll let you in, OK. If you buzz our door, there's no tip for you. OK, thanks. Pizza's on the way. I told you we wouldn't have to get up.

JOEY: What if we have to pee?

CHANDLER: I'll cancel the sodas.

    [Scene: Dr. Burke's apartment. Monica and Dr. Burke are in the kitchen.]

MONICA: You've got to get back out there, it's your party.

DR. BURKE: But they're so dull, they're all opthamologists.

MONICA: You're an opthamologist.

    DR. BURKE: Only because my parents wanted me to be, I wanted to be a sherrif.

    PHOEBE: [entering the kitchen from the party] That's funny, no. Cadillac, cataract,

I get it, no I get it, you stay out there.

DR. BURKE: See.

    MONICA: Alright, I'll tell you what. I'll come get you in 5 minutes with some sort of um, kabob emergency.

    DR. BURKE: OK. You better. Oh God, here we go. Hey wanna see 'em go nuts? Watch this. [grabbing some wine glasses and opening the door to the party] Who needs glasses? [everyone laughs]

PHOEBE: You are so smitten.

MONICA: I am not.

    PHOEBE: Oh, you are so much the smitten kitten. You should ask him out.

    MONICA: Dr. Burke? I don't think so. I mean, like, he's a grown up.

PHOEBE: So. You two are totally into each other.

MON

    PHOEBE: OK, so what, you're just never gonna see him again?

    MONICA: Not never. I mean, I'm gonna see him tomorrow at my eye appointment.

PHOEBE: Didn't you like, just get your eyes checked?

MONICA: Well yeah, but, you know, uh, 27 is a dangerous eye age.

    [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are returning from a movie.]

    RACHEL: C'mon, I'm not saying it was a bad movie, I'm just saying, you know, it was a little. . . hard to follow.

ROSS: I told you there was going to be sub-titles.

    RACHEL: I know, I just didn't want to wear my glasses on my first date.

[They start kissing.]

RACHEL: Monica.

    ROSS: It would really help when I'm kissing you if you didn't shout out my sister's

name.

RACHEL: Honey, I'm just checking.

ROSS: Oh.

RACHEL: Monica.

ROSS: Mon.

RACHEL: Monica.

ROSS: Mon.

    [Since they're alone they start kissing and Ross's hands work their way down until they're on Rachel's butt. Rachel starts laughing.]

ROSS: What, what.

    RACHEL: I'm sorry. Oh God, I'm sorry, it's just that when you moved your hands down to my butt, it was like woah, Ross's hands are on my butt. Sorry.

ROSS: And that's, that's funny why?

    RACHEL: Well it's not, honey I'm sorry, I guess I'm just nervous. I mean, it's you, ya know, it's us. I mean, we're crossing that line, sort of a big thing.

    ROSS: I, I know it's big, I just didn't know it was uh, ha-ha big.

RACHEL: OK. [start kissing again and Rachel starts lauging again]

ROSS: OK, my hands were no where near your butt.

    RACHEL: I know, I know, I know, I know. I was just thinking about when they were there the last time, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. OK, OK, look, woah, I promise, I'm good, I'm not gonna laugh anymore. OK put your hands back there.

    ROSS: No see now, now I can't because uh, I'm feeling too self conscious. RACHEL: Just one cheek.

ROSS: Nuh, uh, the moment's gone.

    RACHEL: Alright, just put your hands out and I'll back up into them.

ROSS: That's romantic.

RACHEL: C'mon touch it.

ROSS: No.

RACHEL: Oh, come on squeeze it.

ROSS: No.

RACHEL: Rub it.

ROSS: No.

RACHEL: Oh, come on, would you just grab my ass.

    [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are watching a Miracle Wax info-mercial.]

    JOEY: Wow, look at that. The car is on fire, yet somehow it's expensive paint job is protected by the Miracle Wax.

    CHANDLER: You got a Cheeto on your face man.[Joey removes the Cheeto and eats it]

[Ross enters]

JOEY: Hi.

CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey.

    JOEY: What're you doin' here? Aren't you supposed to be out with Rachel?

ROSS: That was 14 hours ago.

CHANDLER: So how'd it go?

    ROSS: Oh. Listen, have you ever been uh, you know, foolin' around with a girl and uh, she started laughin'?

    CHANDLER: Yeah, but uh, it was 1982 and my flock of seagulls haircut was tickling her chin.

JOEY: She laughed at you?

    ROSS: Yeah. I don't know, I've been wanting this since like ninth grade typing, ya know. And I just want it to be perfect and right and. . . why isn't that laser beam

cutting through the paint?

CHANDLER: It's the Miracle Wax.

JOEY: It certainly is a miracle.

[Rachel enters]

RACHEL: Hi you guys.

CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey.

ROSS: Hey.

RACHEL: Hi. Listen, I was um, thinkin' about. . .

    CHANDLER: Listen can you guys uh, speak up, it's harder for us to hear you when you lower your voice.

[Rachel and Ross go out in the hall]

    RACHEL: OK, listen, I'm sorry about last night and I really want to make it up to you.

    ROSS: No, you, ya know there's no need to make it u. . . how?

    RACHEL: Well, I was thinking maybe a um, a romantic dinner with um, candles and wine and then uh, maybe going back to my place for um, dessert.

ROSS: Humm, that sounds, I don't, perfect.

    [there's a loud bang at the door so Ross opens it back up to find a shoe has been thrown at it]

RACHEL: What's this.

CHANDLER: Could you get us a couple of beers?

    [Scene: Dr. Burke's office. Monica is there for her eye appointment.]

DR. BURKE: I'm going to look into your eyes now.

MONICA: Really.

    DR. BURKE: Yeah, that's my job. Alright, look up. . . look down, now open your eyes, now look down. That's right, look into the light. Now look at me. . . OK. Your eyes look good. Those are good eyes.

MONICA: Good, they feel good, in my head.

DR. BURKE: So, it's great to see ya.

MONICA: You too.

DR. BURKE: You too.

MONICA: OK, um. Goodbye.

DR. BURKE: Drops!

MONICA: What?

DR. BURKE: Drops. Here, they're free.

MONICA: Thanks. So, I guess I better be going.

DR. BURKE: Oh, OK, yeah. I'll see ya later.

MONICA: Thanks again.

    [He kisses her on the cheek, she returns the kiss, then they embrace in a full on kiss]

    [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still watching TV. Phoebe stands in front of the TV.]

PHOEBE: We have got to get you lazy boys out of these chairs.

CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, woah, hey, woah.

    PHOEBE: You know you should go outside and be with the three-dimensional people.

JOEY: No, inside good, outside bad.

PHOEBE: You guys are so pathetic, I, oh, OH, XANADU! OH.

CHANDLER: She's one of us now.

[Rachel and Ross enter]

RACHEL: Hi you guys.

ROSS: Hey.

CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Hey.

    ROSS: Well we just wanted to stop by and uh, say goodnight.

CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Goodnight.

    ROSS: Look at that, they won't even turn their heads.

    RACHEL: Alright you guys, I'm takin' off my shirt.

    JOEY: [uses a dentist mirror to see] Naa, she's lyin'.

    [Monica enters carrying food that's been delivered]

MONICA: Stop sending food to our apartment.

ROSS: Well, why're you all dressed up?

    PHOEBE: You're not the only one who has a date tonight.

ROSS: What? You have a date? Who with?

MONICA: No one.

ROSS: C'mon, what's his name?

MONICA: Nothing.

ROSS: Come

    MONICA: Alright, but I'm very excited about this OK, so you gotta promise you won't

    get all big-brothery and judgmental.

ROSS: Oh, I promise, what.

MONICA: It's Richard Burke.

ROSS: Who's Richard Burke? Doc, Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why,

    why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like a uh, brother to dad.

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