0215 The One Where Rachel and Ross You Know

By Rhonda Webb,2014-11-08 20:07
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     215 The One Where Rachel and Ross... You Know

    [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey and Chandler enter with Chandler covering his eyes and Joey leading him.]

JOEY: Alright, no peeking. No peeking, no peeking, no peeking.

    CHANDLER: Alright, alright, but you better be wearing clothes when I open my eyes.

    JOEY: Alright open your eyes. [opens his eyes to see two black leather recliners and a big screen TV]

CHANDLER: Sweet mother of all that is good and pure.

JOEY: Huh? Days of our Lives picked up my option.

CHANDLER: Congratulations!

JOEY: I know.

    CHANDLER: Now we can finally watch Green Acres the way it was meant to be seen.

JOEY: Uh-huh.

CHANDLER: So uh, which one is mine?

    JOEY: Whichever one you want, man. Whichever one you want. [Chandler starts to sit in one of the chairs] Not that one.

CHANDLER: [sits down] Ohh yes.

JOEY: [sits down] Ohh yeah, that's the stuff.

CHANDLER: [reaches for the footrest lever] Do we dare?

JOEY: We dare.

    BOTH: [both extend the footrests] Aaahhhh. [both recline their chairs] AAAAHHHHHH.


    [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting in their recliners watching TV. Monica, Ross, and Phoebe are there.]

    PHOEBE: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.

    CHANDLER: Well they were chair-shaped cows. They never would have survived in the wild.

    ROSS: This screen is amazing, I mean Dick Van Dyke is practically life-size.

ALL: Woah!

    MONICA: Rose Marie really belongs on a smaller screen, doesn't she?

[Rachel enters]

RACHEL: Hi you guys.

ALL: Hey.

RACHEL: Hey you.

ROSS: Hey you. [they stand together in front of the TV.]

CHANDLER and JOEY: Woah, hey, yo. [Rachel and Ross move]

RACHEL: So, uh, how was your day?

    ROSS: Oh you know, pretty much the usual, uh, sun shining, birds chirping.

RACHEL: Really? Mine too.

PHOEBE: Hey cool, mine too.

    ROSS: [beeper goes off] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to get to the museum. So um, I'll see you tonight.

    RACHEL: OK. [they go to kiss but everyone's watching so Ross just kisses her on the top of her head and leaves]

ROSS: Bye guys.

ALL: Bye.

MONICA: [walks up to Rachel in front of the TV] Tonight?

    CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, yo. [they move from out of in front of the TV]

MONICA: What's tonight?

RACHEL: It is our first official date. Our first date.

MONICA: Uh, hello.


    MONICA: Tonight you're supposed to waitress for me, my catering thing, any of those words trigger anything for you?

RACHEL: God, oh God Monica, I forgot. This is our first date.

MONICA: Yes but my mom got me this job.

PHOEBE: OK, I can be a waitress, I can be a waitress.

    RACHEL: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. See Phoebe, Phoebe.

    MONICA: Really Phoebs? Because, you know, you'd have to be an actual waitress. This can't be like your 'I can be a bear cub' thing.


    [Scene: Dr. Burke's apartment. Dr. Burke answers the door for Phoebe and Monica.]

PHOEBE: It's James Bond.

MONICA: Sorry we're late.

    DR. BURKE: Ah, that's OK, come on in. Um, I'm sorry, is Monica Geller coming? I was told she was.

MONICA: Dr. Burke, it, it's me.

    DR. BURKE: Monica? My God you used to be so. . . I mean you, you, you, you must have lost like. . . You look great.

    MONICA: Thank you. This is my friend Phoebe. She's gonna be helping me tonight.

    DR. BURKE: Hi Phoebe, nice to meet you. [Phoebe just giggles when they shake] So, how ya been?

    MONICA: I've been great, just great. How have you been? [tilting her head]

    DR. BURKE: Oh, well obviously you know Barbara and I split up, otherwise you wouldn't have done the head tilt.

MONICA: The head tilt?

    DR. BURKE: Yeah, since the divorce, when anybody asks me how I am, it's always with a sympathetic head tilt. [demonstrating] 'How ya doin'? You OK?'

MONICA: I'm sorry.

    DR. BURKE: No no, it, it's fine, believe me. I do it too. I always answer with the 'I'm OK' head bob. [demonstrates] 'I'm OK.' [tilts head] 'You sure?' [bobs head] 'Yeah, I'm fine.' Hey listen, I've got to set up the music. I got a new CD changer, of course the divorce only left me with 4 CD's to change.

MONICA: [her and Phoebe tilt their heads] Oh, that's too bad.

DR. BURKE: [bobbing his head] I'll survive.

    [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still in their chairs watching TV. Chandler is ordering a pizza.]

    CHANDLER: Uh, two larges, extra cheese on both. But listen, don't ring the buzzer for 19, ring 20, Geller-Green, they'll let you in, OK. If you buzz our door, there's no tip for you. OK, thanks. Pizza's on the way. I told you we wouldn't have to get up.

JOEY: What if we have to pee?

CHANDLER: I'll cancel the sodas.

    [Scene: Dr. Burke's apartment. Monica and Dr. Burke are in the kitchen.]

MONICA: You've got to get back out there, it's your party.

DR. BURKE: But they're so dull, they're all opthamologists.

MONICA: You're an opthamologist.

    DR. BURKE: Only because my parents wanted me to be, I wanted to be a sherrif.

    PHOEBE: [entering the kitchen from the party] That's funny, no. Cadillac, cataract,

I get it, no I get it, you stay out there.


    MONICA: Alright, I'll tell you what. I'll come get you in 5 minutes with some sort of um, kabob emergency.

    DR. BURKE: OK. You better. Oh God, here we go. Hey wanna see 'em go nuts? Watch this. [grabbing some wine glasses and opening the door to the party] Who needs glasses? [everyone laughs]

PHOEBE: You are so smitten.

MONICA: I am not.

    PHOEBE: Oh, you are so much the smitten kitten. You should ask him out.

    MONICA: Dr. Burke? I don't think so. I mean, like, he's a grown up.

PHOEBE: So. You two are totally into each other.


    PHOEBE: OK, so what, you're just never gonna see him again?

    MONICA: Not never. I mean, I'm gonna see him tomorrow at my eye appointment.

PHOEBE: Didn't you like, just get your eyes checked?

MONICA: Well yeah, but, you know, uh, 27 is a dangerous eye age.

    [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are returning from a movie.]

    RACHEL: C'mon, I'm not saying it was a bad movie, I'm just saying, you know, it was a little. . . hard to follow.

ROSS: I told you there was going to be sub-titles.

    RACHEL: I know, I just didn't want to wear my glasses on my first date.

[They start kissing.]

RACHEL: Monica.

    ROSS: It would really help when I'm kissing you if you didn't shout out my sister's


RACHEL: Honey, I'm just checking.


RACHEL: Monica.

ROSS: Mon.

RACHEL: Monica.

ROSS: Mon.

    [Since they're alone they start kissing and Ross's hands work their way down until they're on Rachel's butt. Rachel starts laughing.]