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STEP BY STEP 1

By Joanne Hunt,2014-04-21 11:30
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STEP BY STEP 1

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Unit 1 Happy Family Life (1)

Part I Warming up

A.

Tips for a happy marriage

    1 Go on dates with each other. Renew romantic feelings by spending

special time together.

    2. Be as specific as you can when you complain, make a request, or

offer praise.

    3 When stressed by fatigue or your own insecurities, imagine you and your partner in a foxhole, surrounded by danger. Instead of striking out at your partner, find a way to protect the partnership!

    4. When you feel "distant," talk about it with your partner.

    5. Be assured that partners in all marriages sometimes get tired, irritable, or distracted. Work together to understand each other.

    6. Respect each other. Leave if danger exists. Find professional help if physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse occurs.

7 Fight to "understand," not to "win."

Tape-script

    Here are a few general ideas I believe help make a marriage work:

    1. Go on dates with each other. Renew romantic feelings by spending special time together.

    2. Be as specific as you can when you complain, make a request, or offer praise.

    3. When stressed by fatigue or your own insecurities, imagine you and your partner in a foxhole, surrounded by danger. Instead of striking out at your partner, find a way to protect the partnership!

    4. When you feel "distant," talk about it with your partner.

    5. Be assured that partners in all marriages sometimes get tired, irritable, or distracted. Work together to understand each other.

    6. Respect each other. Leave if danger exists. Find professional help if physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse occurs.

7. Fight to "understand," not to "win."

B. Tapescript:

    Having been married for more than 40 years, I can attest to the truth of the following statement: To excel in the art of domestic argument, one must master the art of 1osing.

    Modern psychologists are taken with the "win-win" solution. But in marriage, success resides more in "lose-lose" solutions. Out of these, both parties can win. For in the love configuration, losing gives a~ that always returns.

    The issues that people argue over most in marriage, such as how to spend money, often aren't the real ones. The key issue is: Who is going to be in control? When I was younger, my need to control arose out of fear, a lack of trust, insecurity. The day I finally realized I didn't need to control my wife -- that, indeed, I ought not to control her, that I couldn't control her, and that if I tried to, I would destroy our marriage -- was the day our marriage began.

    What is it we want most from a marriage? To love and be loved. To be happy and secure. To grow to discover. A love relationship is the garden in which we plant, cultivate and harvest the most precious of crops, our own self, and in which our spouse is provid

    We cannot obtain what we want unless our partner also gets what he or she wants. So remember: if you want to feel loved and respected, give up control.

    1. These family members must be able to show that the man's family is at least of the same social class as the woman and that a certain amount of money exists to allow the marriage to go forward.

    2. Probably as far as I can see it, the reason is that they go into marriage or a relationship with a very romantic view of love which I think has been created by the pop songs, by all the love stories, by the Barbara Cartland novels, etc., that young people read.

    3. The other woman who.., ended up ordering a pizza that had a bunch of stuff on it that I really liked and she... I ordered a pizza that had a bunch of stuff on it that she really liked, so we picked at each other's pizzas all night and we realized that we were ... sort of had an ideal relationship, so that we could order really any pizza on the menu and.., we'd both be happy.

Part II All you need is love ?

Criteria 1. Having similar social backgrounds.

    Criteria 2. Having the same race or same ethnic background.

Criteria 3. Having the same religion.

    1. Why does the speaker say that some of the past practices related to marriage customs are weakening?

Japan / 9.2% / arranged marriages

    2. Why does the speaker say that the races are still largely separate in marriage in the U. S. ?

3% / between blacks and whites

A. Tape-script.

    Many people in Western cultures choose their own wives and husbands. In many other cultures, spouses are often chosen by the parents. In China and Japan before this century (20th century), upper-class marriages were arranged by the older males. In many cultures in the Middle East, Asia, and pre-industrial Europe, the man's family negotiated a "bride price" with the women's family; the man's family was expected to pay it. In Hindu India, the bride's family paid a "groom's price" to the family of the man. These customs are weakening; for instance, only 9.2 percent of Japanese marriages are now arranged.

    What are the criteria for choosing mates? Most marriages -whether

    arranged by families or occurring from personal attraction or love -- are based on similar social backgrounds. In other words, the man and the woman come from the same social class (or else a class that is only slightly higher or lightly lower). Among many people in Egypt, key members of the man's family must go to the family of the woman and propose marriage. These family members must be able to show that the man's family is at least of the same social class as the woman and that a certain amount of money exists to allow the marriage to go forward.

    Having the same race or the same ethnic background is the second main criterion for marriage throughout the world. In the U. S., where there are many different races, only 3 percent of all marriages are between blacks and white

    In many countries, marriage is also based on the woman and man having the same religion; this is a third common criterion for choosing a mate. In cultures in which religion is a very strong value, marriages would often not take place if there were religious differences.

    1. Unfortunately, perhaps in the initial stages it's the physical appearance that attracts.

    2. In fact it shouldn't be what somebody looks like that is important. You should be able to look beyond the physical appearance and see what sort of a person he or she is.

    3. In pop songs and magazines and newspapers and so on, the idea of falling in love is always emphasized. -- In fact I think we can probably lay the blame for the high percentage of divorces.

    4. I think you have to differentiate between falling in love with somebody, which I see as more superficial, and loving somebody, which I see as a deeper emotion and one that perhaps lasts.

B. Tapescript:

    A. What do you think it is that attracts people to each other, that makes people want to be together?

    B: I think that perhaps unfortunately in the initial stages it's the physical appearance that attracts. I think unless you find somebody attractive, unless there's something about them -it could only perhaps be the way they smile or they laugh, or a twinkle in their eye, or the way a curl falls over their forehead. But something like that has to make you interested enough to find out more about that person, unless

    that's there I think you just don't bother. So initially physical attraction I think is all-important.

A: Why do you say "unfortunately"?

    B: Because in fact it shouldn't be what somebody looks like that is important. You should be able to look beyond the physical appearance and see what sort of a person he or she is, whether they're selfish or selfless, whether :they're kind, caring. But I think initially you're not bothered with that. That comes perhaps later.

    A: In pop songs and magazines and newspapers and so on, the idea of falling in love is always emphasized, so people have this idea that you have to fall in love. Do you think this is misleading for people? Do you think people expect something that in fact doesn't exist?

    B: Yes I do, in fact I think we can probably lay the blame for the high percentage of divorces -- it's a third I think now, isn't it? I think one in three people get divorced. Probably as far as I can see it, the reason is that they go into marriage or a relationship with a very romantic view of love which I think has been created by the pop songs, by all the love stories, by the Barbara Cartland novels, etc., that young people read. Really, you meet someone, you fall in love, and that's it, it's the beginning, they live happily ever after. And I think that's the problem, because people just expect that, and it's not like that.

    A. So what is it, do you think, that really sustains a relationship, B: Well, I think you have to differentiate between falling in love with somebody, which I see as more superficial, and loving somebody, which I see as a deeper emotion and one that perhaps lasts. Falling in love is superficial attraction, being attracted to somebody physically, having fun together, whereas loving somebody I think is an emotion that grows, it comes with shared experiences, perhaps enjoying doing the same things together, shared hobbies, shared interests, suffering together as well, going through the bad times, helping each other, supporting each other. I think all that needs time to grow, and I'd call that love, and I think that's what makes a relationship, last.

C. Summary

    For years men and women have been getting married. When a man and a woman get married, it is one of the biggest decisions they will make in life. A man may select a woman because he, in his own eyes, sees her as the "just-right" wife for him.

    Every man has his own definition of what the "just-right" wife is. For instance, the millionaire man and the poor man both may define their "just-right" wife according to her physical qualities but use different words. Although some men define the "just-right' wife by her physical qualities, other men describe their "just-right" wife by her athletic qualities. Both the outdoors man and the inside sportsman may define their "just-right" wife by her sports qualities but in two different atmospheres. Men from all nationalities also have their definitions of the "just-right" wife. But the Italian man's definition is different from the French man's. And similarly, the German man's definition is different from the Spanish man's.

Tapescript:

    For years men and women have been getting married. They say their wedding vows which bring them together as one. They promise to love and cherish each other until death do them part.

    When a man and a woman get married, it is one of the biggest decisions they will make in life. A man may select a woman because he, in his own eyes, sees her as the "just-right" wife for him. Every man has his own definition of what the "just-right" wife is. For instance, the millionaire man and the poor man both may define their "just-right" wife according to her physical qualities.

    A millionaire may describe his "just-right" wife as charming, beautiful, sexy, intelligent, and well developed. On the other hand, a poor man may define his "just-right" wife as pleasing, attractive, desirable, knowledgeable, and shapely. Both men describe their "just-right" wife by the same physical qualities but use different words.

    Although some men define the "just-right" wife by her physical qualities, other men describe their "just-right" wife by her athletic qualities. For example, the outdoors man may define his "just-right' wife as a woman who loves to fish, to camp, to hunt, and to water ski, whereas the inside sportsman may define his "just-right" wife as a woman Men from all nationalities also have their definition of the "just-right" wife. For example, the Italian man describes his woman as a woman who stands six feet one inch tall with blonde hair and blue eyes, and who is well developed in the upper portion of her body. On the other hand,' the French man may describe his ideal woman as a woman who stands only five feet three inches with brown hair and green eyes, and who is moderately built.

    Other nationalities, such as the German man and the Spanish man, may define their "just-right" wife as a woman with style. The German man may describe his "just-right" wife as a woman who likes to drive expensive sports cars, a woman who visits a different foreign country every month and wears only the most expensive designer clothing. But the Spanish man may define his "just-right" wife as a woman who enjoys giving dinner parties every weekend, wearing a lot of jewelry, and drinking expensive wines.

Part III First meetings

A.

    1. How easy is it in your city for young men and women to meet and spend time alone together?

    2. At what age do young men and women usually begin to date with each other?

    3. At what age is it customary for people to get married and how 'long do engagements last?

4. What do you think of the "boy-meets-girl" custom?

5. What do you think of the arranged marriages?

B.

Where did he / she first meet his / her partner?

What's the most impressive thing?

Kate a baseball diamond hair / funny / monologue

Kerry a wine bar pizza

    Coralyn a fancy-dress party the man dressed as Cheshire Cat

    Jill outside a cinema coincidence/he'd also missed the film

    Carole a boat / the river bank fell in river / he dived in and rescued her

Tapescript:

Ka -- Kate Ke -- Kerry Co ?C Coralyn J -- Jill

Ca -- Carole

    Ka: I was on my way home from junior high and in order to get to my house you have to walk by this baseball diamond. And there was a game of baseball going on and it looked kind of interesting, so I stopped. There weren't very many people watching. And there was this guy and he wasn't really very good-looking, but he had frizzy hair and glasses and he was really funny. He did this kind of monologue thing, which was great. And I went home and I told my mother I was going to marry him after talking to him for half an hour. And when I got to high school, he was president of the student body and he asked me out and... we've got our picture in the yearbook together holding hands, and it's really nice.

    Ke: Well, I'd arranged to have a drink with a ... friend of mine ... a ... a woman friend of mine who's a platonic friend of mine. And she. ??insisted on bringing this friend of hers which ... who she said I'd like to meet and ... I thought she was trying to fix us up and I said, "Plea

    Co. Um... we met at a party and it was a fancy-dress party. A friend of mine's twenty-first and it was quite big and I went dressed as Alice in Wonderland and ... this person, this guy that ... I married was dressed as the Cheshire Cat. And it just seemed so amazing that, you know, we were both from the same thing and we started chatting and ended up being together.

    J. Well... I'd arranged to go to the cinema with a group of

    friends and ?? unfortunately I missed the train that would

    have got me to the cinema On time, so all my friends had

gone in and I was left standing outside -- the film had

    started, so I wasn't allowed in. And ... there was a chap

    outside, he'd also missed the film and we started to talk and

    ... we talked quite a bit and he said, "Let's go down the

    road and see that film, because that one hasn't started at

the Odeon." So we went down there and ... well, we've

been going out ever since!

    Ca: I ?? I first met my partner.. ?when he was on a boat and I was on the river bank, standing and looking generally into the distance and he was coming in to land with his boat and he threw me a rope and said, "Would you mind catching this?" and I caught it and missed and tripped over it and fell in the river and he had to dive in and rescue me. And that was it!

Part IV Listen and relax

Tapescript:

    John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn't, the girl with the rose. His interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin. The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner's name. Miss Hollis Maynell.

    With time and effort he located her address. She lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond. The next day he was shipped overseas for service in World War 1I. During the next year and one month the two grew to know each other through the mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A romance was budding. Blanchard requested a phot

    A young woman was coming toward me, her figure long and slim. Her blonde hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears. Her eyes were as blue flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale green suit she was like spring time coming alive. I started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a rose. As I moved, a small, provocative smile curved her lips. "Going my way, sailor?" she murmured. Almost uncontrollably I made one step closer to her, and then I saw Hollis Maynell. She was standing almost directly behind the girl. A woman well past 40, she had graying hair tucked under a worn hat ... She was more than plump, her thick-ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes. The girl in the green suit was walking quickly

away.

    I felt as though I was split in two, so keen was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep was my longing for the woman whose spirit had truly companioned me and upheld my own. And there she stood. Her pale plump face was gentle and sensible, her gray eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle. I did not hesitate. My fingers gripped the small worn blue leather copy of the book that was to identify me to her. This would not be love, but it would be something precious, something perhaps even better than love.

    I squared my shoulders and saluted and held out the book to the woman, even though while I spoke I felt choked by the bitterness of 'my disappointment: "I'm Lieutenant John Blanchard, and you must be Miss Maynell. I am so glad you could meet me; may I take you to dinner?" The woman's face broadened into a tolerate smile. "I don't know what this is about, son," she answered, "but the young lady in the green suit who just went by, she begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said if you were to ask me out to dinner, I should go and tell you that she is waiting for you in the big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of test!" It is not difficult to understand and admire Miss Maynell's wisdom.

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