Autumn is going soon, at the dawn, the wind is so cold, which often brings me so many sadness.
Because of the drinks I was still awake at that moment on the last day of autumn. I looked at the east sky where was turning a little bit bright. But sun could not be found its trace, maybe later. He and I stood in the street where had no person go through. By the street lamps, I saw his face with some drunk and some melancholy. I did not know what he wanted to do, or he just wanted to wave his pains out or like being indulged to lose.
Why did we go this way? In the early morning, we leaned on each other with our desolations, we walked in the street where had no people pass by. I knew I put myself into one endless pain because he had one lover already, but I still risked my all to have one moment to stay with him; I knew that one day I would have to live in the memories of him, but I still risked my life to get one moment to feel his body next to me; I knew that our stories would have no way to go, but I was still satisfied with this moment that we were relying on each other.
When it turned brighter and a little bit blue, it seemed to be vague as my hopes. He suddenly held me in a clasp, although I was not sure what he was thinking at that moment, I could feel his breath was near to me and his heart beat. Maybe in his mind, he was missing someone but not me; Maybe he was comforting his guilt; Maybe he liked me truly but could not speak out. I did not ask him because I had not enough confident to get that answer. I just wanted to be closed to his heart and let it tell me this moment was not a dream. Yes, it was real that he was here with me. He said nothing, but this was what I needed. I would not let any words to break this calm moment when I had him.
To stay or not? I could not believe that I heard his words from his heart with my soul. He was hesitating to choose, I knew it was so difficult to him to do that, although he had told me that he would not believe love again. I closed my eyes to enjoy the seconds in his arms, even though this was only feint.
Why God let us meet? Why let us suffer more? Why let our loves go no way? Why? Tears dashed out and went down to his neck. I hoped that my tears would be my soldiers to flow into his heart to explore whether I got half a heart of his, and which part was beating for me, and whether another part was too painful to shake.
He sighed, ”Do you love me?” His words thrilled through the silence of the dawn. “Yes.” I
answered so sincerely. I was so eager to hear the same answer from him, I wanted to let him know that was the only reason which would make me indulged in our loves, but I dared not get it.
He kept silent, I knew he was thinking which part of his heart he would choose and how to do then. He breathed so deeply and I felt his chest expanded. “I love you.” He said so serious. Oh, my
god, I got the best answer than I had thought, and I felt these words were the most important thing to me. I looked at his eyes to sure what he had said to me. Yes, by crossing his soul, I felt it was real. When our lips touched, I knew that I got a half heart of his.
Sun began to appear to this world, he and I walked together hand in hand. But I almost heard another part of his heart crying, “what I have done?” I asked myself. I even did not know how
long our love could go. I just held one of his hands that he could gave me, and on the other side, she was in sad.
Was it guilty? If so, I just could not bear my love exploding, I had never thought to rod him of her, although it was true. Was it a dream? If so, I would keep him in my heart where nobody could touch. Was it true love? If so, I would cherish him as I could.
I don’t know why the different loves will exist in the same time although we have had a clear mind that we can not touch it; I don’t know why people will have no reason to refuse the love appear although we have had thought to avoid this kind of love; I don’t know why we have to accept the storms in our lives although lives are not so long. But I believe one thing there has no valueless love in the world. If the love is blamed by others, having loved we will have no regrets to our lives; If the love has no good result as we have wished, having loved we will have good memories to cherish; If the love has left many animosities, having loved is having loved, although we can not accept the ending that we won’t finish it in a short time, we still can feel the love float when we recall someone.
I must thank the God because I won’t dance alone anymore, and I won’t stay with my
shadow anymore. When sun rising, it left me sadness no more because I saw there were two shadows closed on the ground at that moment.