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Using the model essay

By Julie Wells,2014-10-14 17:26
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Using the model essay

    Following the model essay

    Paragraph 1 : The Introduction

    Sentence 1: Write something to get the readers attention. Choose a reference and write an important fact.

    Model essay:

    The United Nations reports that one woman dies during pregnancy or childbirth each minute, and

    that the majority of these births happen in the developing nations of the world, (WHO, UNICEF,

    UNFPA & World Bank 2007)

    Your essay:

Sentence 2: Give the name of your topic for the essay and show what is means.

Model essay:

    This is known as maternal mortality

    Your essay:

Sentence 3: Give some background information

Model essay:

    The United Nations has set a target for the worlds governments to reduce maternal mortality by three quarters by the year 2015.

    Your essay:

    Sentence 3,4 and 5 : Signposts. What will your essay say?

Model essay:

    This essay will firstly outline some of the causes of maternal mortality. Then it will compare the

    maternal mortality ratios between developed and developing nations. Finally, it will compare the

    rates between different developing regions.

    Your essay:

    Page 1 of 6

    First body paragraph

    Causes

    Sentence 1: The topic sentence. What is the paragraph about? Model essay:

    Poverty, poor medical care and conditions and the lack of basic education of women are some of

    the main causes of maternal deaths in developing countries. (U.N. 2008)

Your essay:

Sentence 2: Support sentence for the topic sentence. (Example, reason, explanation, further

    information)

    Model essay: (She gives an example of poor medical care)

    Limited access to financial resources make it difficult for women to seek health care before,

    during and after their pregnancies. Given that many women in developing countries cannot afford

    to have their child in a hospital, they may have it at home, often without the assistance of a doctor or a midwife (Should have a reference but doesnt)

Your essay:

    Sentence 3: More support. (This is an explanation. Why are there poor medical conditions?) Model essay:

    Furthermore, there is an increased risk of infection during medical procedures because many

    hospitals in developing nations lack proper sanitation and hygiene. (should have a reference)

Your essay:

Sentence 4 more support. A further example of a cause.

    Model essay:

    Women need to be empowered to make positive choices about their health but this is only possible

    if they have access to information. Education also provides women with an appreciation of their

    rights and thus the knowledge to demand better health care. (should have a reference)

Your essay:

    Page 2 of 6

Sentence 5: Concluding sentence

Model essay:

    Governments and non profit organisations are addressing these causes in order to solve the

    problem of high maternal mortality in developing countries. (WHO, UNICEF, UNFPA & World

    Bank 2007)

Your essay:

    Second Body paragraph

    Compare causes between developing and developed regions

    Sentence 1: Topic sentence. What is the paragraph about? Model essay:

    There are significant differences in the number of maternal deaths in developed and developing

    countries. (UN 2008)

Your essay:

Sentence 2: Support 1. What does the table (graph) show in general terms?

    Model essay:

    Table 1 highlights the sharp contrast between the maternal mortality rates in developed and

    developing regions of the world.

Your essay:

    Sentence 3: Support 2 Comment on the numbers in the table (give the numbers)ADD TABLE HERE)

    Model essay:

    It is clear from these figures, 450 per 100,000 live births in developing regions and 9 in developed

    ones, that the majority of maternal deaths occur in poorer countries of the world.

Your essay:

    Body paragraph 3

    Page 3 of 6

    Compare two or more developing regions

    Sentence 1: Topic sentence. ADD TABLE/GRAPH HERE Model essay:

    Unsurprisingly, there are also differences between maternal mortality rates in different developing regions, as highlighted in graph 1 below.

Your essay:

Sentence 2 and 3: Support for the topic sentence (give the numbers)

    Model essay:

    The graph shows that in eastern Asia there were 50 maternal deaths per 100,000 births in the year 2005. In contrast, there were approximately 900 deaths in sub Saharan Africa, in the same period

Your essay:

Sentence 4: Further support.

    Model essay:

    Another significant contrast is between South Asia and Western Asia, where the maternal mortality rates were 490 and 160 deaths per 100,000 births, respectively.

Your essay:

Sentence 5 : Further support

    Model essay:

    In Southern Asia the maternal mortality rate was 490 deaths per 100,000 live births, while in

    Western Asia it was 160

Your essay:

    Sentence 6: Comparing two COUNTRIES in the regions Model essay:

    For example, the Indian materrnal mortality rate per 100,000 live births was 280 in 2005, whereas

    Turkey recorded a relatively low rate of 29. (UN 2009)

Your essay:

    Page 4 of 6

Concluding sentence

    Model essay:

    The graph clearly illustrates that mothers in some developing regions have a much highr risk of

    dying than mothers in other regions.

Your essay:

    Conclusion

    Sentence 1: Signal the end in the topic sentence.

    Model essay:

    In conclusion, maternal mortality remains a serious problem in the developing world today.

Your essay:

Sentence 2: Summarise what you have said (repeat the causes)

    Model essay:

    Poor medical care, the need for general education of women and pregnant mothers in particular have been discussed in this essay as the main causes of maternal deaths in developing countries.

Your essay:

Sentence 3: Final thoughts

    Model essay:

    The countries of the world must work to improve the quality of health care and education for

    expectant mothers so that they have a fair chance of surviving to raise their own children.

Your essay:

You can use this structure and add your information and research facts. Please have plenty of

    references (more than she has). Also, you need four causes for the problem.

Dont use her exact words but you can paraphrase them and add words of your own.

    This model essay is not to be just copied!!!

    Page 5 of 6

    References: Look at these examples and copy the format.

     When you looked

    Organisation Article name at it

     page

    year e

U.N. 2008,The Millennium Development Goals Report 2008 ,p43, viewed 12 April 2009,

    http://www.un.org/millenniumgoals/2008highlevel/pdf/newsroom/mdg%20reports/M

    DG_Report_2008_ENGLISH.pdf

     In-Text (UN 2008, p43)

     Complete Web address

    Organisation

     Article name Book Name year

ELI.,2008,”Food Shortages in Zambia”,ESL Certificate 3 Further Studies Course book Module

    2,page 16,Victoria University, Melbourne

     In-Text (ELI 2008, p14) page City

     Publisher

    When you looked

    at it. Organisation

     Article name year

    World Food program, 2009, What causes hunger?, viewed 10 April 2009, http://www.wfp.org/hunger/causes

    In Text: (World Food program 2009)

     Complete Web address

     When you

     looked at it. Publisher Article name Author year

Shah A, 2009, Poverty facts and Stats, Global Issues, viewed 10 April 2009,

    http://www.globalissues.org/article/26/poverty-facts-and-stats#src3

    In Text: (Shah A 2009)

    Complete Web address

    Page 6 of 6

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