Following the model essay
Paragraph 1 : The Introduction
Sentence 1: Write something to get the reader’s attention. Choose a reference and write an important fact.
The United Nations reports that one woman dies during pregnancy or childbirth each minute, and
that the majority of these births happen in the developing nations of the world, (WHO, UNICEF,
UNFPA & World Bank 2007)
Sentence 2: Give the name of your topic for the essay and show what is means.
This is known as maternal mortality
Sentence 3: Give some background information
The United Nations has set a target for the world’s governments to reduce maternal mortality by three quarters by the year 2015.
Sentence 3,4 and 5 : Signposts. What will your essay say?
This essay will firstly outline some of the causes of maternal mortality. Then it will compare the
maternal mortality ratios between developed and developing nations. Finally, it will compare the
rates between different developing regions.
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First body paragraph
Sentence 1: The topic sentence. What is the paragraph about? Model essay:
Poverty, poor medical care and conditions and the lack of basic education of women are some of
the main causes of maternal deaths in developing countries. (U.N. 2008)
Sentence 2: Support sentence for the topic sentence. (Example, reason, explanation, further
Model essay: (She gives an example of poor medical care)
Limited access to financial resources make it difficult for women to seek health care before,
during and after their pregnancies. Given that many women in developing countries cannot afford
to have their child in a hospital, they may have it at home, often without the assistance of a doctor or a midwife (Should have a reference but doesn’t)
Sentence 3: More support. (This is an explanation. Why are there poor medical conditions?) Model essay:
Furthermore, there is an increased risk of infection during medical procedures because many
hospitals in developing nations lack proper sanitation and hygiene. (should have a reference)
Sentence 4 more support. A further example of a cause.
Women need to be empowered to make positive choices about their health but this is only possible
if they have access to information. Education also provides women with an appreciation of their
rights and thus the knowledge to demand better health care. (should have a reference)
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Sentence 5: Concluding sentence
Governments and non profit organisations are addressing these causes in order to solve the
problem of high maternal mortality in developing countries. (WHO, UNICEF, UNFPA & World
Second Body paragraph
Compare causes between developing and developed regions
Sentence 1: Topic sentence. What is the paragraph about? Model essay:
There are significant differences in the number of maternal deaths in developed and developing
countries. (UN 2008)
Sentence 2: Support 1. What does the table (graph) show in general terms?
Table 1 highlights the sharp contrast between the maternal mortality rates in developed and
developing regions of the world.
Sentence 3: Support 2 Comment on the numbers in the table (give the numbers)ADD TABLE HERE)
It is clear from these figures, 450 per 100,000 live births in developing regions and 9 in developed
ones, that the majority of maternal deaths occur in poorer countries of the world.
Body paragraph 3
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Compare two or more developing regions
Sentence 1: Topic sentence. ADD TABLE/GRAPH HERE Model essay:
Unsurprisingly, there are also differences between maternal mortality rates in different developing regions, as highlighted in graph 1 below.
Sentence 2 and 3: Support for the topic sentence (give the numbers)
The graph shows that in eastern Asia there were 50 maternal deaths per 100,000 births in the year 2005. In contrast, there were approximately 900 deaths in sub Saharan Africa, in the same period
Sentence 4: Further support.
Another significant contrast is between South Asia and Western Asia, where the maternal mortality rates were 490 and 160 deaths per 100,000 births, respectively.
Sentence 5 : Further support
In Southern Asia the maternal mortality rate was 490 deaths per 100,000 live births, while in
Western Asia it was 160
Sentence 6: Comparing two COUNTRIES in the regions Model essay:
For example, the Indian materrnal mortality rate per 100,000 live births was 280 in 2005, whereas
Turkey recorded a relatively low rate of 29. (UN 2009)
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The graph clearly illustrates that mothers in some developing regions have a much highr risk of
dying than mothers in other regions.
Sentence 1: Signal the end in the topic sentence.
In conclusion, maternal mortality remains a serious problem in the developing world today.
Sentence 2: Summarise what you have said (repeat the causes)
Poor medical care, the need for general education of women and pregnant mothers in particular have been discussed in this essay as the main causes of maternal deaths in developing countries.
Sentence 3: Final thoughts
The countries of the world must work to improve the quality of health care and education for
expectant mothers so that they have a fair chance of surviving to raise their own children.
You can use this structure and add your information and research facts. Please have plenty of
references (more than she has). Also, you need four causes for the problem.
Don’t use her exact words but you can paraphrase them and add words of your own.
This model essay is not to be just copied!!!
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References: Look at these examples and copy the format.
When you looked
Organisation Article name at it
U.N. 2008,The Millennium Development Goals Report 2008 ,p43, viewed 12 April 2009,
In-Text (UN 2008, p43)
Complete Web address
Article name Book Name year
ELI.,2008,”Food Shortages in Zambia”,ESL Certificate 3 Further Studies Course book Module
2,page 16,Victoria University, Melbourne
In-Text (ELI 2008, p14) page City
When you looked
at it. Organisation
Article name year
World Food program, 2009, What causes hunger?, viewed 10 April 2009, http://www.wfp.org/hunger/causes
In Text: (World Food program 2009)
Complete Web address
looked at it. Publisher Article name Author year
Shah A, 2009, Poverty facts and Stats, Global Issues, viewed 10 April 2009,
In Text: (Shah A 2009)
Complete Web address
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