Friends - 3x22 - The Screamer

By Michelle Carter,2014-01-20 23:37
9 views 0
Friends - 3x22 - The Screamer

    The One With The Screamer

Written by: Scott Silveri & Shana Goldberg-Meehan

    Transcribed by: Eric B Aasen

    [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is on the phone, Chandler and Monica are sitting in the living room, and Ross is in the kitchen as Rachel enters from her bedroom.]

    Rachel: Oh, Phoebe, are you still on hold? I was supposed to call my Dad back like two hours ago.

    Phoebe: Oh, yeah, he clipped on, he said call him as soon as you get a chance, he’s at Flimby’s.

Rachel: What’s Flimby’s?

Phoebe: Oh, yeah, that’s the word I use when I can’t remember the real thing.

Rachel: Okay. Hang up! That’s it! Come on!

    Phoebe: No! Rachel, that’s what they want me to do. My warranty expires tomorrow, if I don’t get through, they’re not gonna fix my crappy, broken phone for free! We cannot let them win! It’s us versus them!

Chandler: Ye-e-es!!

Joey: (entering) Hey.

All: Hey.

    Joey: Uh, listen I gotta double check for tickets tonight. Who-who got what?

Chandler, Phoebe, and Rachel: I had one.

Monica: I need two. I’m bringing Pete. My boyfriend. I have a boyfriend now!

Joey: Two it is. Ross, how about you?

Ross: Uh, yeah, I ah, I also need two.

Monica: Really? Who’s number two?

Chandler: Who’s number two? One of the more difficult games sewer workers play.

Ross: Uh, no, it’s-it’s just this person.

Phoebe: Like a date type (looks at Rachel) person?

    Ross: Yeah, kinda. It’s this woman from work. I hope that won’t be too weird. Will it, Rach?

    Rachel: No. No, not at all, not at all. I actually was gonna bring someone myself, so?br>

    Joey: But you said one.

Rachel: I meant, me plus one!

    Joey: Okay. (to Phoebe and Chandler) Did ah, you guys mean you plus one?

Ross: All right, I’ll see you tonight.

Joey: Okay.

Rachel: Okay, bye-bye!

Chandler: Bye!

Monica: Bye-bye!

(Ross exits)

Rachel: Okay, I need a date! (runs to her bedroom)

    Joey: Oh, hey, you guys are finally gonna get to meet Kate!

All: Oh!

    Joey: (to Chandler) And I ah, borrowed some of your cologne. I hope she likes it.

Monica: Joey, what are you doing?! It’s never gonna happen, she’s seeing somebody.

Chandler: Yeah, and I don’t have any cologne.

Joey: The green bottle next to the shaving cream.

Chandler: Oh! Worm medicine for the duck.

(In horror, Joey wipes his next and smells it.)


    [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is getting ready to go to Joey’s premiere and Phoebe is still on hold.]

    Monica: (to Phoebe) Here you go. You can wear this. (hands her a sweater)

Phoebe: Thanks!

Monica: Uh-huh.

    Phoebe: Okay. (on phone) Ooh, I’m setting the phone down. (does so) But I’m still here! Just don’t go anywhere I’m still here. (starts to put on the sweater) Don’t-don’t

    switch or anything, ‘cause I’m, I’m right here. (She has pulled the sweater over her

    head, but her head is stuck in a sleeve.) Just one sec. One sec! One second!! (She is now frantically trying to get the sweater on, as Monica returns from the bathroom.) Wait! One second! Just?br>

    Monica: Phoebe?

Phoebe: What?! Monica, I’m scared!!

Monica: All right. Honey, that’s-that’s a sleeve. Okay?

Phoebe: Yeah.

    Monica: And! We also have speaker phone. (She turns on the speaker phone.)

    Hold Voice: Please, stay on the line. Your call is important to us.

Monica: Okay, wait, you gotta hang up ‘cause we’re gonna be late.

(Phoebe starts to hang up the phone, but?

Hold Voice: Thank you for your patience, you’re the next caller.

Phoebe: Yes!! Yes!! I’m the next caller! You were gonna have me hang up.

    Chandler: (entering, carrying the chick and duck) Hey! Can you take a duck and a chick to the theatre?

Monica: Of course not.

Phoebe: No.

    Chandler: Okay. I just wanted them to hear it from somebody else.

[Scene: Joey’s Premiere, Rachel is already there with her date, Tommy, as Ross and

    his date, Cailin, arrive.]

Ross: Hey, hey Rach!

Rachel: Oh, hi!

Ross: Hi!

    Rachel: How are you? (She goes to kiss him on the cheek, but stops because of the

    dates and pats him on the shoulder.)

Ross: Good.

Rachel: Hey.

    Ross: So it’s looks like we’re the first ones here.

    Rachel: Yeah, looks that way. First ones here! Wooo!!

Ross: Yay!!

(An awkward silence follows.)

    Rachel: Oh! Tommy, this is Ross. Ross, Tommy.

Tommy: Hey.

Ross: Hey. Oh, I’m sorry, this is Cailin.

    (They all try and shake hands at once. They end up criss-crossing they’re arms to shake each other’s hand, and Ross says?

Ross: And! Break!!

(Awkward laughter follows.)

Rachel: Okay, uhh, I think I’m going to run to the ladies room.

Tommy: Okay.

Cailin: I’ll join you.

Tommy: I’ll get our seats.

Ross: Okay. (The girls leave.) (to Tommy) So uh, well, this-this is uh, this is