By Randy Carpenter,2014-06-17 09:42
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So many songs, but I’m feeling so lonely.

    Where is the love?


    Boys , Boys.

    Give a chick a chance


    His mom and dad met in the usual way.

    The song became love

    And love became the egg. Memphis?

    You got it, sugar? yeah, oh, yeah Safe and warm.

    Hold it tight, now

    Whoa, I think I felt a move in there


    And in the usual way…

    The moms left for the fishing season…

    While the dads stayed home to do egg time.


    You gone be okay, daling Oh, sure, honey, we’ll be waiting for you, right here on Longly Street.

    I love you more and more, tell me why.

    Bye-bye, now

    Goodbye, Norma Jean. Don’t you worry about a thing Don’t wanna let you go

    I never can say goodbye, boy

    When all others leave…

    We remain!

    When the sun vanishes…

    We remain!


    Heed the wisdoms, brothers! Make a huddle!

    Warm thy egg!

    Make a huddle!

    Share the cold! - Share the cold! Each must take his turn against the icy blast…

    If we are to survive the endless night. Raise your voices, brothers!

    Give praise to the Great ‘Guin…

    Who puts songs in our hearts and fish in our bellies!


    Ain’t no particular song I’m more compatible with.

    Oh, baby, I think I wanna dance now. No No No


    There is wisdom, brothers and sisters…

    That stands above all others. -Never, ever… - It’s okey

    No matter what.. No harm done. See?

    Drop your egg.

    No, we’re cool, we’re cool.


    Of the many thousands who sang throught that long night of winter..

    It was Memphis who cried out most fervently…

    To turn the Earth and bring back the sun.

    It’s boy – oh, -It’s girl.

    What a peach! What a bruiser!

    Come here, son. come to Daddy, there you go. Son, you have made your daddy so proud. It’s all genetics, you know.



    Is everything okay?

    I don’t know. I can’t hear anything.

    Is it empty? Honey.

    Can I have it?

    It’s okay, Maurice.

    It happens sometimes, Memphis. Yeah.

    Wait, you hear that?

    Yeah. Hey, I can hear you, buddy. Oh, your papa’s here, it’s okay.

    Oh, he’s okay, Maurice, Whoa, there it is! That’s his little foot there.

    There’s his other one.

    That’s different.

    Hey! Come back here, Mr. Mumble.


    She can call him whatever the heck she likes. Whoa, little Mumble.

    Mumble? Mumble? You okay?

    Freezing. Freezing

    Oh, you’ll get used to it.

    Come on, come to your papa

    What do you make of that? Little wobbly in the knees. Is he okay? I don’t know

    What you doing there, boy?

    I’m happy, pa

    What you doing with feet

    They’re happy too.

    I wouldn’t do that around folks, son. –why not?

    Well, it just ain’t penguin, okay? –okay.

    Yeah, Hey, come on over here. Get under here, Get warm.

    Watch the beak. Watch the beak..Beak! The beak.

    Okay, good boy.


    So late, What’s keeping them?

    Pray, brothers, the Great ‘Guin does not test us with a lean season. Why, Noah? Have we not all been dutiful?

    So when you see your mama

    I stand perfectly still. You got it.

    But how will I know which one’s my mama?

    Oh, you will know.

    She’s got a wiggle in her walk and a giggle in her talk.

    And when she sings, it darn near breaks your heart.


    Hey, wait , I see them, I see them! You are right, you are right.

    Wives, ho!

    Wives, ho!

    Wives, ho!


    Wait, no. Wait, no. Mumble, get back here, No, Mumble! Get back…Mumble! Mumble! Mumble! Mumble!

    Maurice! Michelle! Michelle!


    Oh, she’s so darling.

    Excuse me, Pardon me, Pardon me. Mumble? Mumble?

    Mama? Mumble!

Mama? Mumble!


    Mama? Mama?

    Mumble, boy, where are you? Mama!


    Oh, Mama. Oh, Mama.

    Oh, my, - Daddy.

    So where’s the baby?

    Well, honey, I’ll find him.

    You lost the baby? Memphis! –It’s okay.

    Mama? Mama? Stay!

    Come to Mommy. No, Mumble.

    Mama. Mama.

    Hey, what’s wrong with his feet?

    Oh, that’s just a little thing he’s got going. He’ll grow out of it.


    Oh, Memphis, he’s gorgeous.

    Isn’t he, though? –Look at you.

    I got something for you.

    Open up.

    Oh, I love the way she does that.

    W, X , Y and Z

    Good morning, class.

    Good morning , Miss Viola.


    Well, today we begin with the most important lesson you will ever learn. Penguin Elementary.


    Does anyone know what that is? Anyone? Anyone?

    Someone, Seymour?

    Fishing? No.


    Don’t eat yellow snow?

    No, that’s not it, no.

    It’s our Heartsong, Miss. – Thank you, Gloria. Excellent. Yes.

    Without our Heartsong, we can’t be truly penguin, can we? No.

    But, my dears, it’s not something that I can actually teach you. Does anybody know why? Anyone? Anyone? You can’t teach it to us, ma’am

    Because we have to find our Heartsongs all by ourselves.

Well done ,you

    It’s the voice you hear inside…

    Who you truly are.

    Yes, Thank you, Gloria, Excellent, lovely, thank you.


    So let’s all be very still now.

    Take a moment and let it come to you. Pick me! Pick me! One at a time, yes, Seymour.

    Yes, I like that one, I could really get jiggy with that . lovely.

    I’m ready, I got one.

    Oh, I thought you might, Gloria.


    That’s as far as I got so far.

    Oh, yes, lovely, Really lovely. That’s beautiful.

    Well, mumble, since you seem so keen to share. Mine’s sort of a boom and a..

    And another boom.

    You hear that you

    Do you like it? –I’m afraid that’s no a tune.

    It’s not? –No, dear, A tune is like…


    Oh, okay.


    Who is that?

    That is the offspring of Memphis and Norma Jean. The wee hippity-hopper.


    It’s not funny!

No, No, not in the least.

    A penguin without a Heartsong is hardly a penguin at all.

I think he broke my ear.


    In all my years, I’ve never, I mean…

    And you having such fine voices. Well, it’s bizarre.

    Did anything happen. You know, during early development?

    No, all fine. Normal incubation.


    Yeah. Yeah, it was a tough winter, I guess. Right, right.

    He did hatch a little late… - yes, I understand. Yes. To think he might spend his life alone… - quite, quite.

    Never to meet his one true love. Oh, please, Miss Viola, isn’t there something we can do? Well, there is always Mrs. Astrakhan. Mrs. Astrakhan?

    If anyone can, Mrs. Astrakhan can.

    Can’t sing?

    Can’t sing? Rubbish, darling.

    Every little penguin has a song. When I have finished…

    Your singing will be giving everyone the goose pimple.

Now, to begin, First, we must find a feeling.

    Happy feeling, sad feeling.

    Maybe lonely feeling

    You feel it?

    Good, now ,let it out.

    Be spontanous.


    No, what is that?

    I’m being spontan-you-us

    Darling, you want to meet beautiful girl? You want to make the egg?

    Oh, yh

    Well, sing! And so jiggy-jog. Do not move muscle.

    No moving!



    Okay. We go back to the top

    Forget body. Look inside soul. Feel the feeling. Enormous feeling So enormous it fills whole body It must escape or you explode Now, open you little beak come on

    Yes, yes, lift up the head, that’s it.

    Now, now, now….

Disaster! Catastrophe!

    I never fail before

    Never , never


    Well, I thought it was kind of cute. –But it just ain’t penguin, okay? So what if he’s a little different? I always kind of liked different. He’s not different. He’s a regular emperor penguin.

    Hey, you know what? I can leave school. I can go to work. The three of us. Whoa, little fella. You ain’t going nowhere till you got yourself an


    You get them singing muscles big and strong, you got that?

    I’ll try, pa!

    You bet you will, the word “triumph” starts with “try”, and it ends with… “Umph”. –That’s right. A great big “umph”

    I’m going fishing.

    Oh, mumble.


    That first hard summer…

    While his mom and dad were working overtime…

    On the great commute to the sea.. Mumble found a place away from disapproving eyes…

    Where a funky little fella could be himself.

    Hey, what you doing there, flipper bird? Nothing, what are you doing?

    Nothing, just dropped in for a little lunch. There’s food? Here?

    Leg or wing?

    Oh, no, no, wait, not me, I’m a penguin.

    Exactly. The flipper birds, that’s you, eat the fish.

    The flying birds, that’s me, eat the flipper bird and the fish. And lately, there aren’t a lot of fish.


- This time I’m getting the juicy bits.

    Me first! hey, you want a piece of me? Hey, hey, hey! I’m trying to think about lunch.


    Wait! Watch this!

    Yeah, that’s weird, all right, Listen, for once, we’re gonna do this


    Now, get in line… -Hey! What’s that on your leg?

    What? This little thing? –oh, no don’t start him on that.

    Shut up! The little flipper bird asked me a perceptive question.

    A question like that deservers an answer. Here we go. I got two words for you.

    “Alien abduction”

    Oh, you had to ask have mercy.


    Now, little buddy, there is something out there. Creatures, not like us.

    Bigger, fiercer, and smarter too. Ask me How I know? How?

    Because I’ve been captured by them, that’s how.


    What do you mean “unbelievable”? it’s true.

    I’m sitting on a rock, minding my own business.. When suddenly, they’re onto me.

    These beings, like big ugly penguins. Fat, flabby faces with front-ways eyes.. No feathers, no beaks, and these… these appendages.

    They probe me. They tie me up, they strap me down.

    They take this pointy thing and they stick it into me.

    And then, blackout.


    I woke up and there’s this… this thing on me.

    Every flying bird is dissing me, “Hey, what’s happening, yellow leg?” It was humiliating.

    An then what?

    It was humiliating. What more do you want?

    They could have eated you.

    Yeah, yeah.

    I guess my pitiful cries for mercy appealed to their better nature.

    Can I appeal to your better nature? Nice try, kid, but no.

    No, no, no.


    What you doing down there, flipper bird? Get up here.

    Get back up here this minute.


    Oh, great. You let him get away. Didn’t you?

    Hey, I’m an abductee, - abduct this. Don’t make me call uncle Angie. –Oh, fine.

    Where you’re going? I’m an abductee!

    I don’t care what you are, I’m hungry! –Would you like to hear our


    How about fish? There’no fish, how about penguin? There’s no penguin. What are we gonna eat?!


    Paying no mind to his dancing heart…

    The kid saw out his school days at the back of the class.

Lost in his imaginings.

What fabulous worlds lay out there, far beyoud the ice?

    Where is the

    Where one small penguin without a Heartsong…

    Could ever truly belong?


    Our forefathers forsook our wings for flippers.

    You graduates going to sea for the first time…

    Are to reap the benefits of their wise choice.

    These are lean and uncertain times. But by the power of the ancient penguin wisdoms…

    We, my brethren, will endure.


    “Blah, blah, blah” –Norma Jean.

    Who is he to say my boy can’t graduate? He’s not hurting anyone.

    True to our ways and you will always be worthy of this… Our brave penguin nation, Excelsior!

    Ocean, here I come!


    You know what? We’re gonna have a little graduation ceremony of our


    You meant it? Mama?

    Excelsior! Excelsior!

    Keep it down.

    Pa. Memphis.

    Go get them, tiger. Thanks, Ma.

    Make every moment count! Got you, Ma!

    Remember, “Stranger Danger” – yeah, sure, Pa. And watch out for those leopard seals and them killer whales.


    Make this, Nore

    That boy was always a bad egg. I’m telling you, no good will come of this.


    Wait up!


    What do you think?

    You first. no, you first.


    Stop pushing.

    What was that? I think it was the fuzzball.

See any blood?


    What you waiting for?

    Hey, Gloria

    Gloria, I adore-ia, I’d like to see more-ia. Gloria

    Mumble? Gloria

    I am sorry, I meant to..

    Fall back, coming through!

    Gloria? All my life, I’ve wanted to say that you’re so.. Fish. –yeah. You’re so fish.

    No, fish!



    No, that’s me!

    That’s lousy. –you didn’t get one?



    Gloria. You got one?

    Nope, not this time. you have it. Thank you. Mumble, but it’s yours. I want you to have it.

    No, you caught it. You eat it I want you to..

    Skua! You get back here!

    Come on. Mumble! Let go! Mumble! Let go!

    You just let him get away!

    Is he breathing? –He’s certainly not eating.

    Mumble? Are you okay? Mumble?

    Take the fish.

    Oh? Take the suple fish.

    Oh, okay.

    Thank you, Mumble.

    You’re welcome.



    On this, our night of graduation, infatuation, illumination…

    Top of the class, Missy Gloria.

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