You know you're a real hybrid owner when

By Jon Riley,2014-02-05 13:27
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You know you're a real hybrid owner when

    You know you're a real hybrid owner when...

1. 49.9 is not the same as 50.1 when it comes to MPG

2. you lean forward going up hills instead of hitting the gas.

    3. you're not out of gas until the low fuel light has been on for about 80 miles.

4. you memorize topographical maps of your daily drive.

    5. you won't run errands unless they are over 50 miles away so you don't hurt your average.

    6. while you don't mind showing friends your hybrid, you'd rather not drive them around

     because the extra weight might lower your gas mileage.

7. you have a perfectly good air conditioner but refuse to use it unless youre going downhill.

8. you gleefully buy the cheap gas.

    9. while driving, you smirk at people as they pass you because you get better gas mileage.

10. you think a CVT {continuously variable transmission} is the biggest thing since the wheel

     was invented.

11. you get in a car with an automatic transmission and you feel like its archaic.

    12. when you see another hybrid on the highway and he/she's doing 75-80, you shake your

     head in disbelief and wonder why they just didn't buy a regular car.

13. you post your gas mileage online.

    14. one of your best friends drives a huge SUV that gets 13mpg and you remind them


    15. you don't think you're better then everyone actually are!

16. you actually enjoy driving 40 on the highway sometimes.

    17. you let people pass going 40 mph up hills, just to pass them again in 80 mph at the next


18. …you get told, "shuuut uuupp" when you mention your latest tank was 64.4 MPG!

    19. …you find yourself shutting off the radio so that you can concentrate on your hybrid's

     vibrations, sounds, and internal happenings/non-happenings.

20. …when riding with you, your friends get that "yikes" feeling when you just start rolling

     without having to "crank" the engine.

    21. …you get that "yikes" feeling when you get in a friend's car, and he has to "crank" his


22. you turn the car on and off for the fun of it.

    23. when the autostop happens, you roll down the window to listen to other cars.

24. you never drive below 40 because it uses too much fuel.

25. you forget the last time you were at the gas station.

    26. you are always glad to teach anybody the hybrid technology your vehicle uses.

    you actually know how much air your tires have in them...on a daily basis. 27.

    28. you realize your car is powered by 144 d batteries, and don't think it's weird.

29. you think IMA {integrated motor assist} and HSD (hybrid synergy drive) are mortal enemies

     like Chevy and Ford.

30. you love your car, and are actually excited to drive it.

    31. …you are familiar with colors like: Opal Silver Blue, Metallic Shoreline Mist, Metallic Salsa

     Red Pearl, or Tideland Pearl.

    32. …you hate to stand in line for movie tickets but will wait in line for 3-6 months for a new


    33. …you don‟t go through drive-thrus because they are basically the same thing as a miniature

     traffic jam.

34. (ok...this is kinda for the non-hybrid nuts out there like me) …you get flicked off at least

     once a week for accelerating too slowly.

35. …you see a Civic and actually LOOK to see what trim it is.

    36. Saabs are evil because they are the only other car that has a citrus color and you look at

     them thinking it might be an Insight

    37. …you take extra care to keep the entire car extra clean for curious sight-seers inspection. A

     4AM driveway bucket car wash somehow isn't weird.

38. …you wonder why that person driving/riding next to you is scanning all over your car…and


    39. …you warn your passengers to "hold on" before a turn to conserve momentum.

    40. …your passenger tells you the oil and other warning lights are on, and you mention the

     engine is switched off and the car is only rolling.

41. …you will drive with the engine off all the way to your parking area.

    42. …you park at the top of a hill at the store under your wife's protest and that extra 50 feet to

     walk turns out to be 500…and you don‟t mind.

43. …you dread the rain storm but only for the lowered MPG.

44. …you always favor driving in the right lanes.

    45. …your brake lights come on 1000 feet before the others while approaching a stop.

    46. …you mention your MPG at the water cooler and someone says they wouldn't drive a

     motorcycle. When you say it's your car, you get this: *blink*

    47. …you inspect roadside flag poles as "wind socks" to find wind direction.

    48. …you have to go online to find some who gives a crap or shares your excitement.

    49. …if nobody is behind you, you will coast to a red light 3 blocks away knowing it will turn

     green before you get to it.

    50. …during autostop, you turn off your fan and radio so you can savor the silence, especially if

     a newbie is in the car.

51. …you park on the 3rd floor instead of the 10th floor at work.

    52. …you injure your neck looking for cops as you roll through stop signs.

53. …you turn right instead of stopping.

54. …you don‟t pull into parking lots since parking on the street saves your MPG.

55. …you curve your front license plate to reduce drag.

56. …you take the long route if it is on the freeway.

57. …you walk to the store for the first time in your life.

58. …you take your wife‟s SUV for the short trips.

    59. …you never fill up the gas tank over half full, so the car is lighter.

60. …you remove the never-used rear headrests so the car is lighter.

    61. …you install a $1000 automatic garage door opener to save idle time from lifting the door by hand.

62. …you have photographed your dashboard to prove the mileage you got.

    63. …you go CRAZY when you're in the car with your spouse, and they don't drive as efficiently

     as you.

    64. …you support hybrids so much, people think you are trying to convince them to buy one

65. …when you silently roll up to the drive-through window, and think, "That's cool!" When you

     silently roll away from the drive-through window, and still think, "That's cool!"

    66. …you get a sick 'thrill' out of creeping up behind people in "Stealth Mode" in parking lots

     and watching the startled look on their face when they notice you!

67. …when you carry on casual conversation using terms like ICE {internal combustion engine},

     CVT, Stealth {electric only operation}, EV {electric vehicle}, HV {high voltage} battery, and


68. …you check your tire pressure as often as you brush your teeth.

    69. …when getting an actual "key" out to drive another car is too much trouble.

    70. … when you think something's wrong when the engine doesn't shut off at a stop light in a

     'regular' car

    71. …you maintain both a printed and a stored Excel spreadsheet of you mileage and proudly

     display it to any poor soul unfortunate enough to ask, "How do you like your hybrid?

72. …you have your assistant bring you lunch to avoid two short trips.

    73. …you walk two blocks to park in the nearest shade so the AC doesn't hurt your mileage

     when you return.

    74. …you slow down for green lights because you know they will turn red before you get there.

    75. …you argue with your spouse about the thermostat setting because of its effect on your


76. …you get a sick feeling when your mpg drops from 58 to 56.5.

    77. …you carry a gas can in your car so you can push for a new record tank distance.

78. …old people flip you off for driving too slow.

79. …you really think what you drive matters.

    80. …you have given up at least one hobby to spend more time learning about your car.

    81. … it makes more "sense" to drive 20 miles at 50 MPG than 10 miles at 40 MPG. Which one

     burns more gas?

82. …old ladies in walkers pass you by.

83. stop signs mean yield.

84. 75 MPH means ? 62.1 MPH.

85. Road Work Ahead means Go Away. Dead End.

86. …would consider wearing a T-shirt with TOP 10 REASONS YOU KNOW YOU'RE A


87. …your mom asks, "Is there a reason you drive so slow?"

88. …your friends‟ favorite prank is to siphon your gas to mess up your average (luckily my

     door cant be opened from the outside)

89. …when seeing a 45 mph „Work Zone‟ ahead, you yell out with glee, Eureka!!!

90. …you are following an 18-wheeler doing 48 mph and think, “I must have died and gone to


91. ....shortcuts to‟s hourly forecasts take up a large portion of your desktop

92. …you removed the side mirrors, rear wiper, and antennae to improve your automobiles wind


93. …you have to drive the wife and kid around in the city, with the AC on AND HATE IT!

    94. …you get out and push your car uphill 10 feet into the parking space because you didn't have

     the momentum after pulling a 41 and you don't want to restart the car.

    95. ...when you get pulled over by the police because you're driving so slowly they think you're


    96. …not only have you read the other 95 reasons you're a real hybrid owner, but you also posted

     more then 5.

97. …you'd rather be late to work then sit in traffic.

    98. …you get mad at other drivers because they cut in front of you in stand still traffic because

     you refuse to move until the car in front of you is half a mile away.

    99. …you won't get off the brake until you know you can reach ten miles an hour so you can

     autostop again next time you hit the brake.

100. …6 months later and you still get mad when you only get 50mpg.

    101. …you enjoy getting your hybrid serviced because when you go to the dealer, your hybrid is

     the only hybrid in the lot and you answer more questions about it then the dealer does. 102. …you make fun of VW tdi's {diesels} when you pass them

103. …other people think of you whenever they see a hybrid.

104. …you notice an HCH {Honda Civic Hybrid} from miles away.

    105. …your idea of exercise is putting the car in neutral and pushing it for 3 miles just to get an

     extra 0.3 MPG on your tank.

106. …you bring your Motor Trend 2004 Car of the Year to a Classic Car Show.

107. …when someone passes you, you think , "Ha, I'm using less gas that you!"

108. …you know you're a real hybrid owner when you've read every single post of, "You know

     you're a real hybrid owner when" with pleasure and are looking forward to new ones!

    109. …you spend more time looking at your real-time mileage display then at the road in front of


    110. …you've ever spent 16 hours and $350 on a modification that got you 0.01% better


111. ...and not considered it a waste of time or money.

    112. …you've learned more about aerodynamics and electronics from your car then you ever

     learned in school.

    113. …you recognize another hybrid driver on the road because of conversations you've had on a

     hybrid forum.

    114. …you intentionally park next to huge SUVs just so passers-by notice the difference in


    115. …you've spent a considerable amount of mental effort theorizing a way to drive both

     directions downhill with a tailwind.

    116. …the concept of over-inflating your tires 15 lbs. above the recommended limit doesn't

     phase you.

    117. …you would change your vote this November if you found out one of the candidates drives

     a hybrid vehicle.

    118. …you secretly hope gas prices go up to $8/gal just so you can gloat more about your car.

119. …you've asked to be allowed to park in the „Carpool Only‟ parking spaces at your work

     just because you drive a hybrid

    120. …you've had dreams about that day eight months ago when every traffic light was green on

     your drive to work.

121. …you haven't gotten pulled over for speeding since you bought your car.

    122. …you've almost hit another car because you were concentrating too hard on the mpg bar


    123. …your right foot is capable of adjusting millimeters back and forth in order to hit that 100

     mpg marker.

    124. …you chuckle at SUV owners that get frustrated and race past you, only because they used

     more gas during that maneuver that you will for your entire commute to work.

    125. …you absolutely can't stand anyone else driving your car because they always mess up the

     mileage that you worked VERY hard to get.

    126. …you can't stand it in traffic when people stop, inch forward, stop, inch forward and mess

     up any chance you had to autostop.

127. For you HCH owners: You've turned off your motor in a drive through to stop wasting

     gas and set the alarm without knowing it, then set it off while trying to restart it, which kills

     the starter, so you fumble for the alarm reset button only to realize it won't work that close

     to the dash, so you struggle to get the key out of the steering column and wave it around the

     car until you find the spot where the car can read it and stop the alarm. Then you sheepishly

     pull forward and get your fish filet from a smirking teenager. OK, maybe that was just me.


    128. …you take a small amount of pride in the fact that for the cost of three tanks of gas in your

     friends 3/4 ton truck, you could drive across the United States, only to have the pride

     immediately vanish when you need to pick up a load of landscaping bricks from the

     hardware store.

    129. …you turn the sound system off and savor driving near groups of pedestrians in the

     "stealth" or silent mode with the goal of rolling as far as you can before the ICE kicks in.

130. …people turn and look as you go by because of the silence.

    131. …the "sweet spot" for fuel economy is 41 mph and you always drive on older sections of

     highways taking an extra 30 minutes to get home at the end of the day.

    132. …you enjoy being stopped at railroad crossings and in morning traffic on subzero mornings

     because other vehicles are idling with copious visible exhaust and your vehicle is not

     shaking and has no visible exhaust.

    133. …you don't want to run an errand one mile away because it will hurt your gas mileage and

     your wife says, "Oh pleeeeeze, you and your MPG...."

    134. …everyone who rides with you wants to play with the touch screen (and get their greasy

     fingerprints all over it).

    135. …people who ride with you spend entire trips watching the Energy Monitor looking at the

     wheels spin and asking about what all the arrows mean, or exclaiming that the car is doing

     such and such at a particular time.

136. …your friends ask why it doesn't shift.

    137. …you are always having to provide technical information to grease monkeys and oil


    138. …for Prius drivers, people ask where you got the cool custom rear light reflectors, and the

     look on their faces when you say they came with the car.

    139. …these days, even though it is freezing, you shut the door, buckle your seatbelt, adjust the

     seat, and wait for everybody else to do the same -- THEN you start the car.

    140. …when you talk about driving, you talk in terms of MPG instead of MPH. For example:

     Well, I was going 40 mpg up this hill and then this jerk passed me at 10mpg, but then I hit

     the hill and I was going down at 120 mpg and then a truck was in the left lane and...

    141. …you would rather travel over a nasty speed bump at 25 mph and risk damaging your

     alignment, than slow down and risk damaging your MPG.

    142. …you get out of the car and notice that you are parked slightly askew in your parking space,

     but you decide that you would rather leave the car where it is and risk getting dinged by

     another car, than re-park it and risk losing another 0.3 MPG.

    143. …you don't want to take your car in for service because the tech will drop your current tank

     avg. by about 3mpg just driving the car from the customer dropoff point to the service bay

     and back

144. …you give your wife an offer she cannot refuse: a chauffer.

145. …you go out for drives to repair MPG damage caused by 'the other' driver.

146. …you berate your wife if she does not know the current tank MPG.

    147. …you follow your wife out to car in the morning, to make sure she does not start the car

     just to heat it up.

    148. …on the way home from picking the kids up from school, the topic is 'MPG', and not what

     they did that day.

149. …you find yourself going through red lights.

    150. …you get upset -- really upset -- if you hit the gas to make a green light, and fail.

    151. …your 13-year-old son is treated to a lecture on aerodynamics when he tries to roll down a


    152. …you define a marital indiscretion as finding your MPG has dropped by more than 0.3

     since you last drove.

    153. …you check the weather reports for wind direction so you can plan your route to use

     buildings to block head and cross winds.

154. …you don't give a crap about the „new car smell‟ - the „new hybrid smell‟ is much cleaner.

    155. …you are pissed off that the semi truck you are trying to draft behind accelerates too

     quickly from the stop lights.

    156. …you have to do a quick evasive maneuver to avoid an accident with some jerk and you

     realize that you're *really* ticked off at the other driver, not because he just threatened your

     life with his car but because he caused you to accelerate and screw up your MPG.

    157. …you only fill your gas tank half way because gas is so heavy. The weight of a full tank

     would hurt your MPG.

158. …you fight with your spouse over who's driving the FEH {Ford Escape Hybrid} and who's stuck

     with the pickup truck each day.

    159. …you'd trade in the truck in a heartbeat for a hybrid that would tow your boat.

    160. …you seriously consider selling the 20' powerboat and buying a canoe so you can move it

     with the hybrid.

    161. …you spend 30 minutes reading each thread and copying the list into a word document so

     you can see them all at one time.

    162. …you write a letter to the highway dept. suggesting they offer discounts on tolls to hybrid


163. …your friends version of the ULTIMATE April Fools joke is to ADD a gallon of gas to

     your car so you think you are getting stellar gas mileage!

164. …you've become known as „that guy with the Hybrids‟. (or girl, whatever applies)

    165. …you've printed out information sheets about your car and had them laminated so you can

     show people what it's really all about, not just great gas mileage but the tons of technology

     in the car too.

    166. you're overjoyed when you see another hybrid on the road but devastated when they don't

     wave back.

    167. …as you drive down Pikes Peak and stop at the midway point for a mandatory hot brake

     check, the inspector says your brake is "240", then you ask if it's the voltage.

    168. …you worked at reading weather and topographical studies until you came up with that

     route that allows you to go downhill both ways with a tailwind.

    169. …there's the short way home and the downhill way home, and to you, it's a no brainer.

    170. …you drive yourself to the hospital rather than risk someone else wrecking your MPGs.

    171. …when someone asks about your day, you talk about your commute and your MPGs rather

     than work.

    172. …you always try to sneak up on people in stealth mode. All the time. Even at a drive

     through window.

    173. …even at low speeds you have the windows up. Not for aerodynamics, but to keep the loud

     engine noises of the people around you out.

    174. …the Hypermiler star is more important than any star you ever got in school.

175. …when people ask you if it's a hybrid, you answer "Yes, and I don't plug it in."

176. …sometimes you forget that your car runs on gas.

    177. …you make it a point to read every review of every hybrid in every automobile magazine,

     website, and newspaper.

    178. …you get mad at the authors of hybrid reviews/articles who continuously complain that

     they can't get anywhere near the advertised mileage when there are dozens, if not hundreds,

     of members in the database who have come close to, met, or exceeded the

     advertised mileage of every hybrid available.

    179. …no matter where you've been or what you've done, when you walk in the door, the first

     thing you do is announce your current average FE {fuel efficiency} for the great tank you're

     working on…”Hi, hon, guess what? I'm at 34.1 now!"

    180. …one actually has a morbid satisfaction at reading that today's oil price actually went up


181. …an H2 or an Escalade are your sworn, mortal enemies.

    182. …you open up the hood, and actually stare with satisfaction at the WIRING.

183. …you‟d rather hit a pothole hard than slowing down and then accelerating.

    184. …one is seriously considering adding a roof rack, not for cargo, but for photovoltaic cells.

    185. …there is a hurricane coming, some people are sure to die and many others will certainly be

     homeless and all you can think is, "Oh great, all that rain is gonna kill my mileage!"

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