By Carolyn Mitchell,2014-06-03 17:04
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    The Chinese Cowgirl and the Big Bank Robbery

    ? Robert L. Stanelle


    Cast of Characters:

Story Teller - Deputy Bob -

    Fan Lee, Chinese Cowgirl - Deputy Brad -

    Evil Black Bart - Deputy John -

    Betty Bargirl - Deputy Kevin -

    Crazy Charlie - Deputy Stew -

    Billy Barkeep - Deputy Tom

    Mr. Gold, Bank Owner - Computer/Technical Effects:

    Sheriff Sam -


Story Teller Scene 1: Welcome to our famous old story about the Chinese Cowgirl and the big bank

    robbery. We hope you will enjoy it. We begin by finding the evil robbers Black Bart and Crazy Charlie going into the old saloon to have a beer with Betty Bargirl, Black Bart’s wild and crazy


    Black Bart: Hello Betty (gives her a hug). How about a couple of beers for me and Crazy Charlie here?

Crazy Charlie: Yeah Betty. I sure am thirsty. I need to wet my whistle.

    Betty Bargirl: Sure boys. Billy Barkeep, a couple of beers for my boys here. They are dry as a desert summer.

    Billy Barkeep: Coming right up Betty. We would not want those boys dying of thirst now.

Betty Bargirl: So what are you boys planning these days? Got any good ideas?

    Crazy Charlie: Black Bart here wants to rob the city bank. He thinks it will be easy money.

    Black Bart: (hitting Crazy Charlie) Shut up Crazy Charlie! You want the sheriff to hear you and arrest us? Quiet down.

Billy Barkeep: What’s that you say boys?

    Betty Bargirl: It was nothing Billy. Just Crazy Charlie saying crazy things again.

Billy Barkeep: Okay Betty. I know that boy Charlie is dumb as a rock.

    Betty Bargirl: (whispers to Black Bart) What makes you think the bank is full of money, Black Bart?

    Black Bart: We heard some very rich Chinese man died and left all his money to his young widow. She has moved here to our city and put all her money in our little bank.

    Crazy Charlie: Yeah. This should be real easy. Just like taking candy from a baby (laughs his strange laugh).

    Black Bart: Okay Betty. We’ll see you later after we have all the money. So long for now my wild and crazy girlfriend.

Crazy Charlie: Yes. See you later, Betty.

Betty Bargirl: So long boys.

Billy Barkeep: (shaking his head) Boy, those two sure are crazy!

    Story Teller - Scene 2: So Black Bart and Crazy Charlie get their guns, put on their masks and, when no one is watching, sneak into the bank.

    Black Bart: Alright everyone, this is a robbery. Put your hands in the air and reach for the sky.

Crazy Charlie: Yeah! Reach for the sky.

    Mr. Gold: There is nobody here but me. I own this bank. What do you two men want?

    Black Bart: We want all your money. Open the safe and put in this bag quickly or we will blow your head off!

Crazy Charlie: Yeah, we will blow your head off!

Mr. Gold: Okay, okay. Don’t shoot. I will open the safe but you boys are making a BIG mistake.

Black Bart: We will be rich. You will be poor. That sounds good to me.

    Crazy Charlie: Yeah. We will be rich. You will be poor (laughs his crazy laugh).

    Mr. Gold: You don’t understand. Most of this money belongs to a rich Chinese widow. You do not want to mess with her. She is one tough woman! (keeps putting money in the bag)

Black Bart: (Laughs)Why we aren’t afraid of no old Chinese widow woman.

Crazy Charlie: Yeah. We aren’t afraid of no old … (interrupted by Black Bart)

Black Bart: Charlie, shut up!

    Mr. Gold: (hands them bag of money) Here you are but watch out. She will be coming after you.

    (Black Bart & Crazy Charlie both laugh as they take the money bag, jump on their horses and ride away.)

    Mr. Gold: (watches them ride away) Those boys don’t understand. That money does not belong to an old Chinese widow. It belongs to a very young and tough Chinese widow. She is known as the Chinese Cowgirl! (All sing.)

    Story Teller - Scene 3: So Black Bart & Crazy Charlie ride off to their secret cabin in the woods. Mr. Gold goes to tell the sheriff about the bank robbery and finds him in the bar having a beer.

Mr. Gold: Sheriff, sheriff, the bank has been robbed! I think it was Black Bart & Crazy Charlie.

Billy Barkeep: That’s right, sheriff. I heard them talking about it earlier.

    Sheriff: Okay. Let’s go to get them. Are you ready, Deputies Bob, John, Kevin and Stew?

    Deputy Bob: That is me, Deputy Bob, and catching criminals is my job.

    Deputy Brad: That is me, Deputy Brad, and evil criminals make me mad.

    Deputy John: That is me, Deputy John, catching criminals is what I do for fun.

    Deputy Kevin: That is me, Deputy Kevin, we will catch them quick and no mercy given.

    Deputy Stew: That is me, Deputy Stew, and catching criminals is what I do.

Deputy Tom: That is me, Deputy Tom, I beat criminals like a drum.

Sheriff: You boys sound ready to me!

Deputy Bob: I will knock them to the ground and then on their heads I will pound!

    Deputy Brad: First their legs I will break, and then I will throw them in the lake.

    Deputy John: I will beat them and smash them and tie them to a tree. They will be sorry they ever messed with me!

Deputy Kevin: What will I do? What can I say? For those criminals it will be a very bad day!

Deputy Stew: I love to catch criminals, it’s what I do. I’ll beat them and pound them and leave them

    black and blue!

    Deputy Tom: I will hit them so hard in the eye that they will just sit down and cry.

    Sheriff: Don’t those boys know that most of that money belongs to one tough lady? It belongs to the Chinese Cowgirl! (All humm.)

    Fan Lee, the Chinese Cowgirl: (rides into the saloon) Did somebody call my name boys?

Everyone: (pointing at Fan Lee) It’s the Chinese Cowgirl! (All humm.)

Fan Lee: That’s right boys. I’m the Chinese Cowgirl.

     My real name is the lovely Fan Lee.

     I am tough enough to chew the bark on a tree.

     I can kill my dinner with my bare hands.

     And I can beat the stuffing out of any man.

     So watch out anyone who takes my money.

     Because I am one very dangerous honey.

     I’ll make you beg for mercy, down on your knees.

     I’m one tough Cowgirl – and I’m also Chinese!

Everyone: All humm.

    Betty Bargirl: Oh, oh. Id better go warn the boys! (sneaks out of the bar and rides off)

Sheriff: Everybody ready?

Fan Lee: Let’s go get them boys.

    (All yell and ride off following Fan Lee and the sheriff.)

Story Teller Scene 4: So they all ride off to find Black Bart’s secret cabin in the woods – that is not

    so secret. Betty Bargirl gets there first to warn them but soon the Chinese Cowgirl, the sheriff and his

    deputies have the cabin surrounded.

Sheriff: Come out you evil villains. This is the sheriff. We have got your surrounded. (shoots gun)

    Deputy Bob: And this is Deputy Bob. Shooting you is my job. (shoots gun)

    Deputy Brad: And this is Deputy Brad. You have made me mad. (shoots gun)

Deputy John: And this is Deputy John. I’ll shoot you for fun. (shoots gun)

Deputy Kevin: And this is Deputy Kevin. I’ll blow you straight to heaven. (shoots gun)

    Deputy Stew: And this is Deputy Stew. Just waiting to shoot you. (shoots gun)

Deputy Tom: And this is Deputy Tom. I’ll shoot you if you run. (shoots gun)

Fan Lee: I will handle this sheriff. All right you evil creatures, come out and give yourselves up or we

    will blow you full of holes. I’m the Chinese Cowgirl and I am afraid of no man.

    Black Bart: Okay Crazy Charlie, we are going to have to shoot our way out of here.

Crazy Charlie: Okay boss.

    (Bart & Charlie go out with their guns drawn and shooting. Betty Barkeep tries to sneak away but is grabbed and held by the sheriff.)

(Fan Lee shoots the guns out of Bart & Charlie’s hands. All run out and grab them.)

Fan Lee: (blows on both her guns)

     My real name is the lovely Fan Lee.

     And you don’t want to mess with me.

     I can kill my dinner with my bare hands.

     And I can beat the stuffing out of any man.

     So watch out anyone who takes my money.

     Because I am one very dangerous honey.

     I’ll make you beg for mercy, down on your knees.

     I’m one tough Cowgirl – and I’m also Chinese!

    All: (cheering) Hooray for Fan Lee. Hooray for the Chinese Cowgirl. Hooray. Hooray.

    Story Teller: So Black Bart, Crazy Charlie and Betty Barkeep were taken away to jail. The money went back to the bank and everyone was happy again. And the Chinese Cowgirl? Well, Fan Lee was always remembered fondly!

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