NAI FTESILRLMarch 6, 2005 OHWC SELHHOW TO COURT BIBLICALLY AND WHY REJECT SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE BIIPB Rockaway, New JerseySINCE 2001
The movies and peers have greatly influenced the pursuit of immorality and having a physical relationship during courtship. We have to reject this as CONTRARY TO God’s ways in the Bible. God says:
“It is GOOD for a man NOT TO TOUCH a woman. But to avoid fornication, let every man have his own
wife …” 1 Corinthians 7:1,2.
Treat the younger women as sister, with ALL PURITY. 1 Timothy 5:2
This is the will of God … that ye should abstain from fornication … that no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because the Lord is the avenger of all such … For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness … 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8.
Fornicating is defrauding or robbing the girl’s future husband of a pure bride (v.6).
If you steal a girl’s moral purity, God will take revenge on you for it with undesirable consequences. How?
God has many ways of disciplining humans.
If you don’t like these moral standards, you are despising God (v.8).
Keys to Biblical Courtship:
1. Pray for God to lead you to the girl of His choosing.
2. Go out in groups to minimize temptation.
3. Pray before each time you see her so that you will conduct yourself in a Christ-honouring manner.
4. Don’t touch the girl, or you are likely to start the physical slide into fornication.
5. Develop good spiritual and mental communication.
6. Get home early.
7. Serve the Lord together, trying to win people to Christ and to teach the Bible together.
8. Be cheerful and filled with the Holy Spirit.
Why Reject Sex Before Marriage?
Within marriage, sex increases the commitment that binds two people together. Sex outside marriage has the opposite effect, becoming a wedge, a stumbling block, a hindreance to the development of mature love, very often breaking up the friendship alotogether. Why does this happen?
1. Sex before marriage prevents other aspects of the relationship from developing – Anybody can
learn to kiss, but not everybody can learn to communicate meaningfully. Physical attraction is insufficient glue to build or maintain a lasting relationship. The qualities that hold a relationship together are trust,
honesty, respect, openness, deep friendship, and spiritual intimacy which take time and effort to
develop. When you focus on the sexual/physical side, you short circuit building these qualities and you end up with a poor foundation, without the spiritual communication first.
2. Sex injects fear and guilt into the relationship – Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled:
but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews 13:4. Guilt comes because premarital sex
violates our God-given conscience. Fear comes because the male gets the privilege of sex without the
responsibility of commitment in marriage. The female fears that he may leave her. She pesters him to
get married. Since it may cost $10,000 to get married (reception, ring, honeymoon, hire cars, dresses, hire suits etc.), the male says that he cannot afford to get married right now so that she must wait till
some indefinite time in the future. This is a subtle form of rejection. She worries and fears that he may
never get around to marriage. She feels insecure, so she pesters him more to get married. He finally gets so sick of her nagging him that when he meets another likeable lady he finds an easy reason to leave lady number one. Very often when couples live together without marrying they break up around age thirty and the girl finds that she has “missed the boat.” And is unlikely to get married.
3. Sex lays a foundation of distrust and lack of respect – She thinks that if he has sex with me outside of
marriage, maybe he may later on leave me to have sex with someone else if the opportunity presents itself. Mature love is based on the security of exclusivity and permanence of the relationship. If two
people stay morally pure before marriage, each person feels a greater degree of security, trust and respect.
4. Sex causes you to compare one person with previous partners.
5. Sex deceives you into thinking that you are in love – It is such an emotional thing that it can convince
you that you are in love while overlooking other important factors that later on, when logic prevails, may make you dislike the person. Sex love can cause you to overlook his laziness. Violence, drug addiction, lying, unfaithfulness, etc, all of which are a recipe for a disastrous relationship.
6. The facts are against you:
a. Pre-marital sex tends to break up couples before marriage takes place.
b. Those who have pre-marital sex are more likely to have their marriages end in divorce. For
example, practicing Christians’ divorce rate is 1 in 1500, yet the community divorce rate is 700 in
1500. This is 700 times worse.
c. Persons who had pre-marital sex are more likely to have extramarital affairs as well. d. Having pre-marital sex may fool you into marrying a person who is not right for you. Sex can blind
you to a person’s faults.
BCF/Sunday School/Young People/001