By Joanne Wallace,2014-08-11 10:26
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Feb ...

    “More than „making love‟”

Info gathered by Dan Schmoyer “Sex Talk at TreeHouse” thChaska TreeHouse February 14, 2008

Whole Group Questions (things to think about, not necessarily all answer out loud):

    Do you have standards and expectations for your own purity?

    What positive benefits are there to sexual activity before you are married? What are the negative effects to being sexually active before you are married? *Why do teen choose to be sexually active?

    *Is premarital sex moral?

    *answer as a group first to get their minds going and get things cookin!

Individual Group info/resources for leaders to look over and find answers from:

What is virginity?

    “A person who has not had sexual intercourse”- Webster

What is sexual intercourse (sex)?

    “Heterosexual intercourse involving the penetration of the vagina by the penis”- Webster

What is love?

    1 Corinthians 13:4-7

    4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,

    5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

What does the Bible say about premarital sex?

    The Bible says “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body; but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.” (I Corinthians 6:18)

    There are many Bible characters who committed sexual sins and all were punished for there ungodly acts. Great trouble and grief came to each of them just as they would to you. Sexual purity is a way to show respect for others. It is impossible to show someone the love of God while engaged in sin. When we maintain sexual purity, we can show God‟s love to others and present him correctly.

    The Bible refers to premarital sex as fornication. That's a word we don't hear much these days, so what does it mean? Fornication is sexual intercourse between people who are

    not married to each other. The only distinction the Bible makes between premarital sex and adultery is that adultery involves married persons while fornication involves those who are unmarried. Premarital sex is just as much of a sin as adultery and all other forms of sexual immorality. They all involve having sexual relations with someone you are not married to.

    God created the sex act for a man and woman within a marriage. Besides being pleasurable, sex is meant to be a spiritual experience that extends past the marriage bed

    into the everyday life of a married couple. It is not just setting up house together. The sex act locks the couple together in the purpose that God has set before them. The couple opens up emotionally to each other through the marriage act, which solidifies the continuing unity of the couple in living their lives for God. God intended for sex to help couples work out indifferences between them, along with the need to procreate.

Emotional/mental side of sexual activity:

    Most people don't consider the emotional effects of premarital sex. You see, sex is an emotional experience and it affects our lives in ways we don't understand. After engaging in premarital sex, many people express feelings of guilt, embarrassment, distrust, resentment, lack of respect, tension, and so much more.

Some 400,000 teens annually have abortions, a source of depression, even suicide.

    Driving a car is fun but there are also certain precautions you should take along with that also. There is lots of room, while driving, for a serious mistake to occur. That is why we have so many laws to abide by while performing the task of driving. Driving remains fun only when the laws that go along with it are obeyed. While the carelessness of not abiding by the driving rules can be the cause of death or a serious injury, it falls short of the effects premarital sex can have on your human personality, physical well-being, spiritual status, or even your emotional well-being.

Physical side of sexual activity:

    Teens who marry because of pregnancy are three times more likely to divorce than women who wait until their twenties to conceive. Pregnant girls are likely to drop out of school. Teen moms earn half of those who wait. Sixty-seven percent of pregnant teens are poor.

Another consideration when deciding about premarital sex is safety. Did you know that 150% of the people who currently have HIV are between the ages of 15 and 24? Using a

    condom only reduces the risk of contracting HIV by 85%. Condoms do not significantly 2reduce the risk of contracting other sexually transmitted diseases. Take these statistics

    into consideration when making your decision.

    Not everyone who has herpes deals with the painful blisters. In fact, seventy-five percent of those infected with herpes are asymptomatic. They have no signs, no symptoms, but

    they are contagious.

Is premarital sex good for my future marriage? Won‟t it help me know what I‟m

    doing and also let me know if we‟re “compatible”?

    The Seven Effects Of Premarital Sex

    "I am preaching to you because it [breaking up] hurts like hell. You may be the

    exception. You may have the perfect partner. Your cohabitation may be

    leading you down the road to the perfect marriage. But the

    chance of that is very, very slim."

    - Roland H. Johnson III, Sociologist

    Southwest Texas State University

Fact #1

    Premarital sex tends to break up couples before marriage takes place.

    Fact #2

    Many men do not want to marry a woman who has had intercourse with someone else. The strange logic seems to be, “Its okay for me to have sex with the girl you marry, but it‟s not okay for you to have sex with the girl I marry.”

    Fact #3

    Those who have premarital sex tend to have less happy marriages. The physical relationship is an inadequate foundation upon which to build a lasting relationship. Fact #4

    Those who have premarital sex are more likely to have their marriages end in divorce. Fact #5

    Persons and couples who have had premarital sex are more likely to have extramarital affairs as well. This is especially true for women; those who engaged in sex before marriage are more than twice as likely to have extramarital affairs as those who did not have premarital sex.

    Fact #6

    Having premarital sex may fool you into marrying a person who is not right for you... sex can „blind‟ you.

    Fact #7

    Persons and couples with premarital sex experience seem to achieve sexual satisfaction sooner after they are married. However, they are likely to be less satisfied overall with their sex life during marriage. It seems that their premarital sex experiences often rise to haunt them.

    Rarely does a premarital sexual relationship stay together long enough to make it to marriage vows. People engaging in this activity will experience the heart rending emotional upset that comes with breaking up. And when people experience multiple breakups, it numbs them to a marriage commitment of "until death do us part." They have conditioned themselves to run, instead of working out the problems that arises within marriages. Divorce statistics are higher when the couple engaged in premarital sex or lived together before deciding to marry.

What is sex for?

    In discussing premarital sex, we often focus on the "recreation" aspect of it. Yes, sex is pleasurable. God, our Creator, designed it that way. It may be hard to think of God creating sex, but He did! In God's plan, sex was designed for married couples to enjoy the pleasure and excitement of sexual relations. The Bible talks about this in Hebrews 13:4, "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." God created sex to be fun, exciting, and pleasurable. At the same time, though, it is clear in the Bible that God restricts sexual activity to married couples.

    Why is this? Yes, sex is pleasurable, but in God's view, the primary purpose of sex is not recreation, but rather re-creation. In other words, sex is for re-production. God does not limit sex to married couples to rob pleasure from those who are unmarried. Rather, God commands against premarital sex in order to protect unmarried people from unwanted pregnancies, from children born to parents who do not want them, and to protect children from parents who are not prepared for them. Imagine, for a moment, a world without premarital sex. There would be no sexually-transmitted diseases, there would be no un-wed mothers, there would be no unwanted pregnancies, there would be no abortions, etc. According to the Bible, abstinence is God's only policy when it comes to premarital sex. Abstinence saves lives, protects babies, gives sexual relations the proper value, and most importantly abstinence honors God.

How far is “too far”? Where do I draw the line physically?

    A frequent question in relation to premarital sex is, "If we can't have sex, how far can we go?" A better question would be "How far should we go?" God's Word does not give us a detailed "list" of things a couple should or shouldn't do before they are married. Some use this as an excuse to "push the envelope" as close to premarital sex as possible. However, just because the Bible does not directly address what a couple should or shouldn't do, that does not give us license to do everything up to the borderline of premarital sex. By essence, "foreplay" is designed to be "before sex" and to get a couple ready for sex. Logically then, all forms of "foreplay" should be restricted to couples who are married. Anything that could be considered "foreplay" should be avoided until marriage.

    So, if sexual activity and all forms of foreplay should be restricted to married couples, what can a pre-married couple do? This is to some degree up to the couple and their own relationship with God. It is generally recommended that a couple not go past holding hands, hugging, and light kissing before marriage. The more a married couple has to share exclusively between themselves, the more special and unique the sexual relationship becomes.

What if I‟ve already gone too far? Can I “start over”?

    If you have already engaged in premarital sex, you should make a commitment with God, your boyfriend/girlfriend, and yourself to remain sexually pure from this point on until marriage. Ask God for help and strength to remain sexually pure until marriage. God will provide the strength (Philippians 4:13) and grace to overcome the temptation to have sex, as long as you are willing and careful not to put yourself in a place of temptation. Remember the Lord's Prayer: "Lead us not into temptation?" That does not mean He will deliver us from the consequences of our own bad choices. If you fall to temptation, it is not because God led you there.

    1 Corinthians 10:13 declares, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." It is possible to fight temptation.

    Also, it is important to remember that God can and does forgive the sin of premarital sex. When a person places his or her faith in the Lord Jesus Christ for salvation, desiring to

    turn away from the old life of sin, all sins are forgiven. That includes past, present, and future, big and small. Jesus died to pay the penalty for all of our sins, including premarital sex. Once they are forgiven, they are all forgiven. Colossians 1:13-14 says, "For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." What we are to do is confess our sins. 1 John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

Story with Q&A at the end: Herpes: The Gift that Keeps on Giving-

    Jennifer was seventeen when she gave her virginity to Brian, the love of her life. One month later she developed painful blisters around her sexual area. She was devastated when her doctor told her she had herpes. By passing this infection on, Brian has made it possible for Jennifer to join the ranks of twenty million other Americans who have herpes, a sexually transmitted disease.

    Although Brian and Jennifer are infected with the same disease, their results have been different. Jennifer is experiencing painful blisters almost every month. The first outbreak, which was the worst, also included flu-like symptoms. Since then, she has found that stress, her menstrual cycle, and tight jeans tend to trigger new outbreaks. Since herpes is a virus, Jennifer cannot be cured of this sexually transmitted disease. With time, the blisters may eventually stop appearing, or Jennifer may deal with these sores off and on the rest of her life. Her doctor can prescribe a medication called Zovirax. This is not a cure for herpes, but up to seventy-five percent of those who use Zovirax have reduced outbreaks of sores. Although this medication may bring temporary relief, it is an expensive drug.

    Not everyone who has herpes deals with the painful blisters. In fact, seventy-five percent of those infected with herpes are asymptomatic. They have no signs, no symptoms, but

    they are contagious. Brian was asymptomatic. He had no idea he had a sexually

    transmitted disease until he infected Jennifer. He had sex with two other girls before he met Jennifer. Obviously, one of those girls had herpes. Brian may never have an outbreak of the sores, or it might be months or years before they begin to appear. Brian and Jennifer will not die from herpes. Other than the discomfort of the reoccurring blisters, Jennifer will probably have no other complications. However, Brian and Jennifer will always know they have an incurable sexually transmitted disease. Many people find this embarrassing. When Jennifer has children she will need to be concerned about their health and well being. Sixty-five percent of herpes infected babies die, and only ten percent of those who survive will be normal. Therefore, it may be necessary for Jennifer to deliver her children by cesarean to make sure they do not come into contact with the herpes infection during the birthing process.

    Unfortunately, Brian did not end up being the love of Jennifer‟s life. Three months after she contracted herpes, they broke up. Now, Brian and Jennifer will need to realize they could continue to spread this incurable disease through future intimate relationships.

    Sexual intercourse is not the only way to spread a sexually transmitted disease. A person can become infected by touching or kissing the infected areas. Of course, they might reduce the chances of spreading this disease by using a condom. However, a condom does little to protect a person from herpes, since the virus often appears in the pubic and groin areas.

    Jennifer is also facing another problem she probably never considered. As she enters new relationships, she is concerned about when she should tell the person she has herpes. Should she tell each new boyfriend within the first few dates that she has an incurable sexually transmitted disease? Should she wait until she knows this is a serious relationship, or should she just never tell anyone?

    Questions to ponder:

    ; When should Jennifer reveal to other men that she has a sexually transmitted


    ; What emotional impact might this ordeal have on Jennifer‟s self-esteem, her

    respect for men, and her feelings toward sex?

    ; Would it be helpful if Jennifer now developed the self-control, self-respect, and

    self-discipline necessary to live a sexually abstinent lifestyle until marriage?

    Would it be easy?

    ; If Jennifer were capable of changing her past, do you think she would still choose

    to give Brian her virginity, or save herself for her husband on their wedding night? March, 1997

    Tips on Encouraging Sexual Purity is a monthly publication distributed by Aim For Success, Inc.

    Resources used:


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