The good, The bad, and The barking dog

By Alma Nelson,2014-01-11 08:14
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The good, The bad, and The barking dog

The good, The bad, and The barking dog.

Written By

Grant Sheridan

    Int: Danny’s bedroom: Morning:

There is a dog barking outside and his alarm is going off. Danny

    gets up he looks incredibly hung over, he stumbles across to the

    window to look out at the dog. Danny is in his early twenties,

    and is incredibly scruffy looking, with a scruffy short beard.

    He picks up a T-shirt and puts it on, but he has to search through

    an incredible mess in his bedroom.

    Int: Kitchen: Morning:

Danny puts some bread in the toaster and puts the kettle on.

    There is a pile of rubbish on his kitchen table, perched on top

    is a note he goes over and picks it up, as this happens two people

    appear Good and Bad, Good and bad are wearing the same clothes,

    but Good is tall and clean shaven and looks well groomed, whereas

    bad is short and chubby with scruffy hair and all though wearing

    the same clothes looks nowhere as good.


    That ungrateful whore has broke up with you .

    Good: Don’t think that, you have taken advantage of her, she does say

    this in the letter.

    Bad: Of course she would say that, she was constantly taking advantage

    of you. You’re a fool and you have been taken for a ride.

    Good: Come on, give her a call, maybe you can sort things out.

    Bad: What is there to sort out. You are a bachelor again. Young,

    free and single. Get on the phone, call the boys and get on it


    Int: Front room: Afternoon:

Danny storms into the room looking distraught. He is frantically

    searching his front room for his phone, throwing up all the empty

    takeaway boxes in search of his phone, he eventually finds it

    stuck down the back of the sofa he picks it up and dials.


    You pussy, you weak pussy.



Michelle instantly hangs up realising who it is, so Danny picks

    up and dials again.

    Danny: Michelle, please hear me out. What is it you want me to do, I

    will do anything.

    Danny starts walking back and forth in the front room

    occasionally touching his head in disbelief, he is constantly

    moving and never still.

    Bad: Don’t take that, she’s a whore, why is it you who has to change?

    Why cant she?


    If you love her change is a small price to pay.

    Bad: If she loves you, she would accept you for who you are, wouldn’t

    she? Just hang up you don’t need her.

    Good: Don’t hang up, hear her out, maybe you have taken advantage of

    her, just stay calm, remember a relationship is a two way

    thing ,so it cant be all her fault, can it?

    Bad: Exactly it’s a two way thing, so why is it you who is getting

    the blame for everything?

    Danny: Ok, calm down, I’m sorry please give me another chance, and I

    promise I will make things up to you.

    Danny stops walking and starts to look less worried.

    Danny: Ok, Ok, why don’t you come back and we can talk things over?

Danny looks incredibly nervous with what is being said by her,

    whilst this goes on Bad has his head in his hands and is shaking

it in disbelief, whilst Good is giving him the thumbs up with



    I promise you won’t regret this.

Danny puts the phone down, A smile on his face. He sits down

    smile still in tact, and contemplates what he is about to do.

    Good and Bad sit down next to him.

    Bad: No, but I bet you will, you have just had an ear bashing down

    the phone, and now you are going to get one in person, are you

    a glutton for punishment?

    Good: Don’t look at it like that, you just have to impress her, show

    her that you are capable of change, tidy the house up, show her

    you are not scared of hard work, and that you are willing to pull

    your sleeves up and muck in.

Danny begins to tidy the house, he gets a bin liner and starts

    to pick the empty take away boxes up.

    Bad: Danny what are you doing? When did you become such a pussy?

    Good: You are not being a pussy, you are being a real man, bite the

    bullet and get on with it and you can be with the woman that you


    Bad: Is it love? Or has your pride just been hurt? You really haven’t

    thought this through have you? You are only changing because

    she has gone, you weren’t that concerned when you were out on

    the piss last night, I seem to recall you even getting a few phone


    Good: That’s not the point. You have seen the error in your ways, and

    you are changing for the better.

    Bad: You are making yourself a doormat, she’s coming round now, so you may as well let your side of the story be heard, you cant

    let this lie, you are not in the wrong, why are you making all

    the sacrifices?

    Good: How do you know she hasn’t made any sacrifices, you haven’t been

    paying any attention to her, have you?

    Bad: Bullshit, even if you have neglected her, she’s gone now you

    should move on, she’s made her bed and you should let her lie

    in it. Show her that you don’t care any more, and let her see

    what she is missing out on. I honestly don’t think this is about

    love, I’d say its another case of a bruised ego.

Danny goes to get the Hoover, as he walks Bad is in front of him

    trying to push him back, as he is doing this good is trying to

    push him forwards egging him on.

    Int: Bathroom: Evening:

Danny has just had a Shower, his hair is damp, he has shaving

    foam all over his face. He is looking at himself in the mirror,

    All of a sudden Good and bad appear. He just looks at himself.

    Bad: You know she’s a whore but you still want her back. Do you

    remember how you met her? She was hardly a classy bird. How

    many of your friends had she shagged?

    Good: Maybe that was the case, but you brought the best out of her.

    You changed her for the better, now you are changing yourself

    for the better.

    Danny starts to shave his beard off.

    Bad: You have got your principles muddled up Danny boy, its you who

    should come first not her, she’s a whore, whores have no rights.


    Thoughts like that shouldn’t even cross your mind.

    Bad: But they do don’t they? You know she’s a slag don’t you? I think

    you should call her and tell her to go and fuck herself.

The doorbell rings and Danny looks excited, he wipes the

    remaining shaving foam from his face, he rubs his hair

    frantically into some shape.

    Int: Hallway: Evening:

Danny runs down the stairs and gazes into the mirror, playing

    with his hair again, he looks at himself and nods with nervous

    anticipation, not knowing what will happen. He opens the door

    to an older women, she is in her thirties, she has long peroxide

    hair, she is quite chubby and her clothes look a size too small.


    You alright babe.


    Don’t you fucking babe me, let me in.


    Sure, so where have you been.


    Just about.


    Oh, would you like a cup of tea.


    Your answer to everything.


    That a yes then.

Michelle glares at Danny angrily, Danny smiles nervously and

    leaves to get tea.

    Int: Kitchen: Evening:

Danny sets two cups up, and places tea bags into them, he puts

    water into the kettle and starts to boil, he sits at the newly

    tidied table with his head in his hands, Good comes and sits

    opposite him looking at him empathetically, while Bad hangs is

    arms around him jokingly.

    Bad: Well ain’t things going well? You got her right were you want

her haven’t you? You are going to be married with children soon,

Bad stands back and looks upon him angrily for what he is allowing

    him self to take.

    Bad: (cont) you are such a fucking suck up. You should go in there and kick

    her head in.

    Good: What is that going to achieve? She is here now, just keep it

    calm, and see what you can get from the situation.

Danny gets up and Bad sits himself down in his chair, Danny

    proceeds to make the tea.

    Bad: (Sarcastically)

    The only thing I can see you getting from the situation is angry.

Danny slowly walks back to the front room with the tea’s in hand.

    Int: Front room: Evening:

Danny hands Michelle her tea, she looks at him with disgust

    barely able to keep eye contact


    There you are.


    I see you have tidied up..

    A smile creeps across Danny’s face with triumph


    You’re a reformed character we should get married.

The Smile is instantly taken back, Danny’s expression shows



    Come on I’m making an effort give me a chance.

    Michelle: Look, Danny I don’t want you to think you have got a chance, I

    only came back here to pick my things up.



    Michelle: There is no chance of us getting back together, I loath you.



    Michelle: Yes you repulse me, at first I could live with it, but you are

    slowly driving me to insanity.


    Please, I have changed.


    What since last night, I don’t think so Danny.

Michelle gets up and leaves for the bedroom. Danny falls back

    into the sofa and places the tea on the side, he leans back in


    Bad: Danny, get your self together, stop sucking up, you don’t have

    much more time to keep your pride. Go up those stairs and drag

    her down by her hair and kick her out of this house.

    Int: Bedroom: Evening:

The dog is barking outside, Michelle is packing her things, Danny

    slowly enters and slumps himself upon the bed leaning towards

    her back. The room is clean from what it had earlier looked like.



    Michelle: Are you retarded, leave me in peace so I can pack up my things

    and fuck off.


    I love you.

    Michelle: Look there’s another person, no matter what you say there is no

    chance of us getting back together, he’s got a career, and a nice

    house, not on a shitty council estate. I’m moving in with him


Danny quickly straightens himself up alert that there isn’t much

    he can do for the remainder of this situation.


    Who is it?




    Dave, Dave?




    Dave, who drinks in the old palace.



    Danny: You know he was on trial, for beating up that Asian fella, err,




    Danny: And you say I repulse you? Are you off your fucking rocker, he

    is a racist thug.

    Michelle: He isn’t. He’s a real nice bloke once you get to know him.

    Danny: (sarcastically)

    Yea I’m sure Sanjay whose laying up in a coma after having his

    skull caved in agrees with you.

There is a long awkward silence between the pair, Michelle leaves

    the room and Danny falls onto his back with his head in his hands

    Good and Bad appear in the room Bad is going through the draw

    that Michelle has just cleared out, while Good sits next to Danny

    and places his hand upon his leg reassuringly.


    Well, you should of definitely given her a slap, I told you she

    was a whore but you wouldn’t listen would you? How’s your ego?


    At least you tried, that’s all that matters, you can now move

    on, knowing that you tried to mend things.


    You know she must have been cheating on you don’t you? She

    wouldn’t be moving in if she met him today would she?


    Maybe it’s a coincidence.


    Fuck that, she’s a slut and you know it.

Danny jumps up and storms over to the window, he pulls back the

    curtain and looks out.


    Why won’t that fucking dog stop barking.


    Come on you know its only a dog, that’s what they do, they bark,

    just calm down.


    Yea they bark, but that mutt has been going at it all day, if

    the owner isn’t going to take care of it. I think you should.

Danny returns to the bed and sits back down starting to calm down

    a bit.


    Don’t be stupid, give the dog a break, it could be ill or



    Nobody has given you a break why should you allow any one, or

    anything a break?


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