“HOW TO WRITE A LOVE LETTER”
INTRODUCTION -- This format may have at least Seven Uses:
This format is useful for deeply exploring and clarifying your feelings (and their origins) that you have about someone or
something, and/or facilitating deeper communications with another, by writing one or more "Love Letters." Note that this is for strictly personal therapeutic purposes, not for writing letters intended for sending to another person. However, from doing this exercise, (1) clarity may be greatly facilitated which can greatly assist you in writing the most appropriate letter to another. This method can (2) fill a special need for therapeutic dialog with someone who is currently not present. It is (3) also valuable for/during various strictly personal therapeutic processes, for simply journaling, including self-dialog between two or more parts of yourself that represent mixed feelings about something. Other benefits include introduction to and practice in four more valuable self-healing techniques: (4) "Self-Parenting," as well as (5) constructing practical, emotionally integrative affirmations, (6) making decisions about your intention and direction for healing change, and (7) verbalizing those decisions to etch them into one’s being. The latter initiates the completion of the unmet important need(s) of the inner-child(ren), and will often manifest changes in related physical symptoms (ie: less pain). 8) Also included are simple guidelines to create (positive momentum galvanizing) affirmations out of the statements that were developed through the above noted steps.
In the case of therapeutic dialog with someone who is currently not reachable or communicable, you would then imagine the
persona of, say, a deceased parent or a former significant other who will/can not communicate. Or you can “practice”
communications with someone who is not currently in touch, or safely so, but someone who might need to be contacted in the future. In this case, as in the 2nd type of letter above, you write one or more letters for each party that you involve.
For strictly personal therapeutic processes, you write one or more letters simply to explore what feelings would come up.
When conflicted by mixed feelings, apply these as follows. a) Feel out the aspect/part/sub-personality of you that wants to go in one particular direction or have one particular thing, etc. b) Write from that part of yourself only. c) Take on the feelings of the other part that wants something else, and then d) Write from that part of you. In essence then, from each part with the unsettled feeling(s), you write to the other parts of you about your feelings, and then you write the response to that with the words that you spontaneously imagine the other part(s) to say, and so on.
These can be kept in your journal or burned in a releasing ceremony as one chooses. You may likely find the first few drafts
(if any, actually) not suitable for giving to the intended one, but quite illuminating as well as cleansing for you. In fact, the most therapeutic expressions should probably never be heard by anyone but yourself and your therapist or *co-counseling* partner, or by a trusted friend who has agreed to merely act as a sounding board.
This introduction and sections 6 thru 12 are not in the original "Love Letter" format as I received it in a seminar in 1988
[Original author unknown], but were added by this author for introduction and practice in "Self-Parenting" and in construction of affirmations customized to your own challenges.
-- ? Chris Pringer, '97,'01, '07, '08: LoveLetterRev5b.doc
“The Love Letter” Steps:
Essentially, you begin by expressing your anger, resentment and blame, and allow yourself to move through the other levels
until you get to love. If you find you need to revise an earlier section’s writing while engaged in a later section, that is good, just do it!
1. ANGER AND BLAME 3. FEAR AND INSECURITY2. HURT AND SADNESS I don't like it when ... I feel sad when ... I feel afraid ... I resent ... I feel hurt because ... I'm afraid that ... I hate it when ... I feel awful because ... I feel scared because ... I'm fed up with ... I feel disappointed because ... I don't understand ... I'm tired of ...
4. GUILT AND RESPONSIBILITY 6. What I'd really like to hear you say in 5. LOVE, FORGIVENESS, RESPONSE to what I have said here: UNDERSTANDING & DESIRE I'm sorry that ... I'm sorry for ... I love you because ... In response to #1 I want to hear you say … Please forgive me for ... I love it when you ... In response to #2 I want to hear you say … I didn't mean to ... I Thank you for ... In response to #3 I want to hear you say … I understand that ... In response to #4 I want to hear you say … I forgive you for…; myself for... In response to #5 I want to hear you say … I want ...
7. What I've decided for myself (to be and do) in 8. What I've decided to tell myself, my inner child (5 or more brief summary statements that feel good, based on RESPONSE to what I have said here: #6 above; in 1st person, address your inner child by name): In response to #1 I„ve decided for myself that … In response to #1 I've decided to tell my inner child … In response to #2 I„ve decided for myself that … In response to #2 I've decided to tell my inner child … In response to #3 I„ve decided for myself that … In response to #3 I've decided to tell my inner child … In response to #4 I„ve decided for myself that … In response to #4 I've decided to tell my inner child … In response to #5 I„ve decided for myself that … In response to #5 I've decided to tell my inner child … In response to #6 I„ve decided for myself that … In response to #6 I've decided to tell my inner child …
9. Turn each of these 5 or more statements into REMEMBER: IF YOU WANT TO FEEL BETTER, WRITE A LOVE LETTER!! 10. Now, in a safe place, say these statements (from
affirmations with the following guidelines: sections 6, 7, and 8) aloud to yourself -- in the first person tense, and addressing your inner child by name. a) maintain present tense, b) use no negatives (ie: not, never, no, can't, won't, don't, wouldn't, without, etc) and… c) instead, use statements such Note: I'd recommend your not skipping steps until after as "safely letting go of," "safely releasing," "safely you've done the whole set (#1-9) a few times. release all judgment regarding," etc.
11. Edit your affirmations as you feel appropriate 12. Very likely, the very best way to edit your affirmations is
over time, especially after repeating the above through the exercise, "Using Affirmations to Uncover and
exercises (#1-9, some or all). Transform Negative Beliefs and Attitudes" by Douglas Bloch. This is available via http://www.chalicebridge.com/AffirmTherapy.html
REMEMBER: IF YOU WANT TO FEEL BETTER, WRITE A LOVE LETTER!!
COPYRIGHT REGULATIONS/POLICY & DISCLAIMER:
REPRODUCTION: I welcome my writing/artwork being reproduced, provided that it is in it's original and complete form (or an editing or excerpt by agreement with the author), and contact info are intact and readable ("Chris Pringer, firstname.lastname@example.org, www.chalicebridge.com"), and so long as the following conditions are applied: a) Hardcopy reproduction is ok so long as it is for personal or non-profit organizational use only. b) Distribution and posting on web pages, blogs, and forums may be only with my permission (mostly because I want to know where it's been put, and I'd be most honored to be asked). c) Any distribution of my writings or artwork must be w/o charge unless with prior agreement in writing with the author.
DISCLAIMER: None of my writing, chalice art, or PolyPsyArt is intended to be, to replace, or discourage the appropriate use of, medical attention and/or treatment, but as educationally informative for the purpose of overall health enhancement and preventative maintenance. So far as I know, I have not quoted any other person without saying so. I have emulated a number of writers and teachers, so I wouldn't be surprised if many of my statements have very similar words and meanings as they. In any case, I have always tried to say what I believed. If you find that I have plagiarized anyone to any degree, please let me know -- by noting the complete published reference, and including the full quote and a few sentences of text before and after). This given, I will duly correct the writing.
I began my studies in multi-level self-healing when in the service, in Thailand in the Winter of '73. The focus then was on self-help psychology, consciousness, and eastern and western mystical perspectives. This continued through my university studies in Norman, OK '74-'79. 1980 took me into naturopathic studies, primarily nutrition and herbology when I lived in Oklahoma City. Not seeing the naturopathic doctor route as affordable at the time, I found direction via a five-evening massage course, Fall '83. That led to a six month professional practice, followed up with the training in Sante Fe, NM, '84-'85 (described in the next paragraph).
Since then I have practiced massage and/or healing facilitation for others, initially in Santa Fe, NM (during/after my training), then San Louis Obispo, CA, and Seattle, WA. This includes exploring personal challenges and self-healing methodology. A session may
include various energy work modalities, Body/Energy-Awareness based Preventative Health Maintenance Instruction, or only Reiki or relaxation work in total silence. A client chooses based on whatever stress, pain, or concerns are present at that session. A client may request a "Body Pattern Reading," as well as various massage/bodywork therapies, all of which techniques are listed & described in my brochure. Individual, program, and 3-6 week interval-based rates are available.
My interests have primarily centered in three areas:
1) Body-Centered Psycho-Spiritual Process (as in "Hakomi" style of) counseling and bodywork, including as assessing an
individual for the most efficient means of addressing connective tissue injury, short and long term, and the most efficient application of the results of that assessment (on physical and/or emotional levels);
2) in The Basic How's And Why's Of Psycho-Emotional Storage In The Body-Mind, and in the related fascia memory storage
dynamics - referring to the technical aspects of neuro-physical interface between connective tissue, emotion, and the brain);
3) "Chalice-Bridging" style chakra balancing - based in the perspective that the chalice, far more than just a cup in this
interpretation, is about the human embodiment of Spirit into the three "lower bodies" (mental, emotional, and physical) which compose the "Body-Mind". Which is also a "cauldron" for the balancing and integrating of Humanity with the Divine - individually and communally.
My training includes over 1370 hours of classes and practicum, including with the New Mexico Academy of Massage and
Advanced Healing Arts in Santa Fe, NM (1984-85), and with various accredited bodywork and therapy workshops (`86-present), as well as 100 hours training with the Alchemical Hypnotherapy Institute (1989), over 100+ hrs apprenticeship with healing practitioner Robert "Mitra" (`85-`86), and 150 hours apprenticeship with Silena Heron in Herbal Studies (`83-`84). For the detailed version my training, you may go to the latter half of my Reiki Therapy Practice Brochure. Which also includes (and relates context for) links to essays
elaborating on aspects of imbalance and injury, assessment, and healing.
Home Page for Body-Mind Integration: http://www.chalicebridge.com/index.htm
Some Body-Mind Quotes From Chris
BODY-MIND AWARENESS, at the core of preventive health awareness,
is one of the most simple, efficacious, & cost-effective forms of HEALTH INSURANCE there can be. Hence, massage is far from just "a luxury item,"
and bodywork therapies can be indispensable for the healing of certain conditions.
MUSCLES RELATE TO ATTACHMENTS - to what we use to take our stance,
to hold our place, to perceive and respond to our environment,
and to extend who we are and/or want to be. Or used to be (in too many cases, perhaps). That speaks not only to the body's condition and function,
but to how it communicates awareness of where one is along one's path (of becoming who one truly is).
THE BODY IS . . . among other amazing things, a unique communications system –
intimately linked with one's TOTALITY.
Establishing rapport with one's body can be a PATH to self realization.
ONE OF MY DREAMS is a society where/in all children are taught how to feel/see/read
their own body-mind communications such that preventive health maintenance eventually becomes second nature.
And actually, for the most part, they would be encouraged to re-awaken and build upon
what I believe to be a NATURAL INCLINATION – conscious self-healing and continuous expansion of awareness.